Losing a good friend, for whatever the reason, is probably one of the toughest breakups you’ll go through. Yeah, breakups with guys are tough, but if you’re lucky to have a best friend that will show up at your doorstep with pizza one night and drag you by your hair to go to Happy Hour the next, you will eventually be okay. There are so many books and Pinterest quotes out there on how to deal with a heartbreak, that they're almost like recipes: 2 bottles of wine, 5 pints of ice cream, 17 drunk texts, 2 weekends of acting like a degenerate with your best friend and boom, done. You’re over the man.
Ending things with a close girlfriend can be tougher and more painful than a breakup, especially if it was your ride or die. You get melancholic when your song comes up on the radio, you take down all the candid pictures of the two of you, you even delete their number from your phone. Things get especially awkward when you’re out and people ask you where your partner in crime is, expecting them to be around, because after all, you were inseparable. Who do you tag on all the funny Instagram posts; who do bitch to about all the people you both hate? It is tough and it f-ing sucks.
Don't get me wrong, just because you're losing one good friend doesn't mean you'll be forever alone. Relationships change. We become consumed with our work, get involved with significant others, interest shift, we meet new people, friends come and go... it's the circle of social life. But when you consciously defriend someone and are forced to dramatically cut them from your life it leaves an airy feeling in the chest.
When that one person, YOUR person, who you text every day about everything in your life, who knows you better than you could possibly know yourself, who's supported you through questionable decisions, who has more dirt on you than a toilet scrubber, whose side you are always by, betrays you, chooses a guy over you, or just walks away on your friendship leaving an obvious emptiness, it can be more catastrophic and devastating than a romantic break-up. Here is why.
1. You never really walk into a friendship knowing that it will end.
You walk into it thinking it will be forever. The more memories you make, the more you share with each other, and the more you rely on the other person, the less you think about it ever coming to an end. You see yourselves having a walker race down the elder home hallway or being at each other's weddings, kids birthdays parties and parents' funerals.
2. How do you explain to the world you broke-up with your best friend?
We are used to hearing about romantic relationships ending--someone cheated, the love ended, the long-distance relationship didn't work... but inseparable best friends defriending each other?! You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, but it is a bitter pill to swallow and hard to assimilate.
3. There are no motivational quotes out there to make you feel better over losing a friend.
When you break up and go through a heartbreak, you always hear the typical "there's plenty of fish in the sea," "another one will come along," and blah blah blah. But I betcha there's nothing out there to make you feel better about being the only pea in the pod.
4. It's easier to get out there after you've mastered a heartbreak than it is to find a true friend.
You get a Tinder, give out your number to a cute guy at the bar, go on blind dates...you do what you gotta do! But finding a true friend is not that easy. If you've had a true friend you know that it is not the same as having going out friends or drinking buddies. A true friend is family; a true, good friend is part of you, and finding a new one is never easy because they are irreplaceable.
5. The one person who got you through your worst is not there to help you get out of this one.
You can have a lot of friends, but there's always that one special friend that you want in your life when hell breaks loose--like wanting your mom and only your mom after scraping your knee in the playground. Your good friends are what get you through the toughest times, but how do you even begin to deal with life when they’re the ones who are gone?
