Over the past year, I went through a breakup with one of my best friends. They were the friend that I imagined would stand up to support me on my wedding day, who I would split a hotel room with for college reunions, and would insist on our families growing up together. I thought we would have a million graduation pictures together and be able to reminisce as the years went on. Unfortunately, this was not the case, and while I've grown out of touch with friends along the years, I had never experienced what it was like to lose a friend that you weren't yet ready to lose.
I hope this article can help others going through similar situations. Whether you are the friend being broken up with or the friend who initiates the breakup, it can be hard. And it is okay to not want to be friends with someone anymore. Sometimes it just isn't what is best for either of you, and I hope not to discourage anyone from separating themselves from people that do nothing to improve their life. I absolutely still love and care about my friend, and if something similar has happened to you, there is no reason you cannot do the same.
Similar to a romantic break up or grief in general, a friendship breakup has a series of stages. These stages were made up by me and no scientific analysis was used to determine the accuracy. If you have gone through a similar experience, I would love to hear about it in the comments.
1. Loneliness
You may not even notice it at first that you're not spending as much time together or talking as much, but when it hits you that you're lonely without them, it only becomes more apparent. Even if you do talk, it is off in some way that can even make you lonely when sharing a room with them.
2. Guilt
It is an easy thing to do to blame yourself when someone doesn't want to spend time with you anymore. And if you think of yourself as a kind person, you may have an even harder time with it. Being able to evaluate what role you may have played and apologize for any wrongdoings is a powerful tool to move your friendship in a positive direction. Personally, many nights of sleep were lost considering how terrible of a person I was.
3. Anger
After figuring out that you can't be that bad of a person if you cared so much about what they thought of you, it is a simple transition to being pissed off. Whether you are pissed off at yourself, your former friend, or the situation in general, it sucks, and it is totally understandable if listening to angsty music will help you power through this stage.
4. Sadness
Woo buddy, did I cry a lot. So much. All the time. The energy required to stay mad ran out and simply melting down was the only solution. So if you just feel the need to let the tears fall, go for it, because your heart is broken and it is okay to be sad about it.
5. Acceptance
At some point, you'll have to be okay with just letting it be. You can't force someone to be your friend, if they don't want to be anyway, right? Maybe right now isn't the right time for you two to be friends, but that doesn't mean it will last forever. Depending on your circumstances, it may just be a temporary friend hold.
6. The Lasting Effects
Even after months of not talking, it can still be hard to be okay with the situation. You may see them on social media or think of them on occasion, and consider about how close you used to be. You may even cry about it sometimes. It is a hard situation to deal with and it's likely going to sit with you for longer than you'd like. I know my friend will be in my thoughts for years to come.
