Love, the most horribly, wonderful feeling that we experience. It continues existence on Earth, but if we're not careful, it can be the most soul-crushing feeling. With love comes the idea that soulmates exist. You can read about it, see it in all romance movies, and hear it in vows. However, there comes a problem with soulmates. Soulmates are defined as people that are ideally suited to another close friend or romantic interest. I personally feel that this idea is dangerous.
Many people tell my boyfriend, Daniel, and me how we perfect we are together and that we were clearly destined to be together. I have to disagree, friends. After leaving an abusive relationship and several more crummy relationships, I never believed that I would find someone like him. I used to think that he was my soulmate, that he was perfect for me, and we would never fight ever again. That is the problem with the soulmate idea.
There is no one person alone that is perfect for you. In fact, it is delusional to think that someone is going to fit you perfectly and if they do, that must be boring. Believing that someone is your soulmate holds a lot of unspoken/unrealistic expectations that cannot be met and leaves no room for change in the relationship. When I met Dan, I felt at ease and peaceful, that I didn't have to try to be someone I wasn't. It was the first time I had ever felt this way, but this didn't mean he was my soulmate. As the year has gone on, I have realized that Dan is not my soulmate, but he is the one I have chosen to be by my side.
You can't find love in the idea of a person, you find love in who they are and who they will be. While it is OK to be picky about who you choose to love, if you spend your time searching for the perfect person, then you will never be happy.
Love needs room for change. What most people forget at the beginning of a relationship is that you will change as people and will leave that "honeymoon" stage. This is not alarming, but what is alarming is if your relationship is never changing. You have to accept that people change and so will you.
Speaking of change, you both will change, but you will grow together. You are going to change as a person and so are they. It doesn't mean that this is bad and if they are truly worth it, you grow together, supporting the other through all these changes.
Not arguing is the worst. If you are not arguing with your significant other, then that is a red flag. If this person means something to you, you will argue about things that matter to you and to them. This doesn't mean that arguing constantly is healthy or arguing over stupid things is all right, but not arguing is a sign of lack of interest.
Sadness and crying will occur. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say that the person worth crying over won't make you cry. Personally, I think this is ridiculous. The other person will make you cry, frustrate you, and make you sad. This shouldn't happen every second of every day, but every now and then they will.
Forgiving bad times. Love is not easy and you can't give up that easily. If you hit a rough patch with your SO or they've done something truly painful, remember they are only human and we are meant to make mistakes. Maybe not ten times, but not everyone is perfect.
Liking the same things doesn't make you compatible. My favorite thing about my relationship is that my SO and I can talk about various different interests for hours because we don't always see eye to eye on the same issues. A year later and we still never run out of things to debate or discuss. If we always agreed, then we would never have anything to talk about.
Laughing, always laughing. Honestly, I feel like movies forget to include the humor and fun jokes that come with love. Laughter is the best medicine and the greatest feeling in the world. Sweet words can make you smile, but a funny joking boyfriend/girlfriend can make your entire day a million times better.
Media portrays love incorrectly. Love is not like the movies or songs or anything in the media or art, honestly! It makes me so angry that people have these distorted ideas on what is love because that is what they are taught! Love is not like the movies, it is not that perfect. Never. Forget. That!
Most importantly, love yourself. You are complete already, your significant other isn't suppose to complete you. They are suppose to love and support you. It is not their responsibility to make you feel complete, because that is your job. How can you love someone fully if you can't love yourself completely? This can also breed jealousy which is not an OK trait. This doesn't mean that you won't feel low on yourself and that you loved one isn't suppose to tell you how amazing you are, but rather that you need to realize that you deserve love and this person chose you to love for a reason. Relationships aren't 50/50. Give it all or give none at all.
Stop looking for this perfect person, because they don't exist. You need to see someone for who they are and despite their flaws, you think, "Dang, you are an amazing and awesome person and I love you so much. Never stop being you or becoming who you truly are."
We have the choice to be with whomever we want, no one is destined for you. The destiny you think you experienced when meeting that person is actually the chance offered to you by the Universe and you decided to take that opportunity because it's what you wanted.
