Freshman year was a blur, as it is for most people. It feels like I’ve been in it forever because of all the changes, but looking back, it went quicker than I could ever imagine. Point is: I survived it! At certain points in time, I didn’t think I would. I thought the stress of the world would literally collapse on my shoulders. In reality, that is far from the truth. The saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is actually a valuable lesson and couldn’t be more true. So, thank you, Kelly Clarkson. Looking back on this year, I have had a larger support system than I ever could imagine. Many times I didn’t want to listen to their advice. But that was a mistake as they were often right and I wish I had followed what they told me. I got to find out who I am as a person in the bustling and exciting city of Chicago. I was always out drinking and partying, which is something I am so grateful to have done because now I can grow up. I can hold myself to higher standards because I know what I am capable of. Going into college, I didn’t know what I could accomplish, which is why I didn’t care.

The amount of “L”’s I took this year is more than I can count on my fingers and toes. This includes puking in various places and waking up with no recollection of the night before. I learned who I could count on and who is just a more shallow friend. Both kinds are needed in life though. I learned how much I truly respect myself and want myself to do well. Earlier in the year, I lost sight of who I was and stopped caring about my mental health. I wasn’t sleeping or eating. I was just misusing substances to satisfy my desire for acceptance and peace. I stopped caring about my friendships and just cared about when the next time a “good time” would come. Now, I can balance out having fun without making stupid choices. Ultimately, mental and physical health are the most important things in an individual's life.

I am so lucky that my experience of a wild freshman year is not unique to me. Almost everyone has had a wild freshman year, but sophomore year is the time to shape up. To figure out what getting more out of life means. What it means to be explore yourself in college thoroughly and deeply. Because it is easy to get caught up in not caring. But when you spend $35,000 a year on schooling alone, there must be something more than living a shallow life. Now, I am not saying I am not looking to have fun. I love to go out and drink but then come home safe. But the last part is key. You need to come home safe. It’s a dangerous road to end up in God-knows-where with no motivation of getting to a safe space.

Now, I don’t feel bad about my freshman year because I have learned many important life lessons. I just know that it isn’t what my potential is. Without a strong support system, I would have ended up in many worse places and situations. You are ultimately in charge of yourself. You are in charge of the reputation you receive based off of your poor choices. These choices are often consciously made and can easily be prevented. Or if they can’t, then that is something that should be focused and worked on because no one is going to hold your hand through life. However, a strong and healthy support system can make all the difference. Without all of my sisters and my biological family, I wouldn’t be able to have grown in such an accepting environment. I wish I had known earlier what I know now. But thankfully, there is forgiveness.

Being so close to home has also been an advantage. The number of times I have called my brother to come get me or my parents has been numerous. When I was using a lot of substances in the first and second quarter, I would have really bad anxiety. At times it felt uncontrollable. But with such a loving family, I was able to be supported and encouraged to keep on with my school work.

With a lot of sisters, I have also had such a huge support system. My Big is always willing and available to talk. My pledge class has gone through the same situations together. We have grown and developed our understandings together and yet uniquely. We are each our own person with a hint of each other in our hearts.

I am aware of the fact that no year is going to go by simply easy and without chaos. I just have to learn to make smarter and more conscious decisions. I can’t lose myself to the party life and I can’t lose those around me just because I have stopped caring about them. I am grateful for my life and I have many important people in my life that are worth more than throwing them away for the “extra” drink.

It’s okay to make mistakes and sometimes not have a direction in life. The unknown is a given in life because no one has all of the answers to anything. But if you work hard and do your best, that’s all you can ask for. Life will repay you if you are truly you. Authenticity is attractive and so liberating.