Everywhere we look it seems like some mutual friend is either announcing an engagement or pregnancy. And I'd even go as far as to say it's perceived as abnormal if you are not either dating, engaged, married or at least "looking." It's like this unspoken insult that if you aren't with someone, you're defective — like if you've been single for "quite some time," you might as well adopt the "forever alone" label. I mean, if the first question you get drilled with at a family function isn't school; it's your relationship status. We live in a society that revolves around finding contentment in others, specifically relationships, so of course singleness is rarely encouraged. As a twenty-year-old college student, I am sick and tired of buying into this hideous concept, and you should be too. As a woman of God-given worth, I want to share as to why I find contentment in my singleness and why you should too.
1. It's the prime time for new experiences and growth.
People tell me all the time, "You're constantly traveling somewhere." I would argue that that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it's not to say that I'm not incredibly blessed in this season of life (because I sure am). I'm able to travel and enjoy life to an extent that I won't be able to any other time. And this is also the prime time for me to grow in ways that I never thought were possible. It's a beautiful time to figure out what you believe, not what Momma and Daddy tell you, you believe. It's the time to challenge yourself in ways you didn't think you could and to grow into an even better, more beautiful version of yourself, that you never dreamt was possible. So, buy a plane ticket to that place you've been dying to visit since forever, take a Zumba class even if you look like a fool the whole time, read a book that completely conflicts your church's views. Experience, grow, live.
2. You won't be as eager to find your validation in a human being.
I see so often young adults that hop from relationship to relationship (sometimes not even stopping to find healing in between them). I know many, many people that are absolutely terrified of being alone. Why? They are absolutely searching for validation in a person. And when that happens, it's a recipe for destruction because one, it puts an immense amount of pressure on that person that they were never intended to bear and two, it can never, ever satisfy us, and if it does in the slightest, it's still not even close the extent that we expect it to. Not only that, but when that relationship gets stripped away, they become broken and unable to form their identity outside of that person. So, the only logical next step for them is to find another person to drain validation from. And each time, they release more and more brokenness onto those individuals, and it becomes just this huge, damaging cycle for both parties. But when we take some time to really figure out who we are before we let someone else define that for us, we are way less likely to fall into this temptation of letting a significant other bring us that validation that only Christ can give us.
3. You learn patience, while also not having to settle.
I think that often times, we buy into this lie that being single means that we aren't "good enough" to be in a relationship. But in reality, it's the complete opposite! Waiting for God's best calls us higher and means that we don't have to settle—not for that man that tells us everything we want to hear, but we have to drag to church Sunday morning. Not for the man that tears us down emotionally and physically, and surely not for the man that justifies and makes us feel safe in our sin. We simply don't have to and shouldn't.
Many times, we view God's perimeters as rules that absolutely "ruin our fun," when in reality, they are implemented for our safety and well-being. They are so much better than any perimeters we should ever set for ourselves. Also, I have found that it's so much easier to say no to certain situations, friendships, relationships, etc. when we have those perimeters firmly in place in our lives. It makes a way for us to know that God's way is better, safer, lovelier. And to absolutely not settle for anything less. Let Him protect you through this journey in singleness — He's a good, good Father.
