I used to spend my unstable high school days and nights running away from issues. We thought we had it all figured out and maybe, for then, we did. When you are 17 years old and everything seems like it’s the biggest deal in the world, getting in a car and driving all the way to Florida just to get orange juice instead of going to history class sounds like a fantastic idea. Every single time, on the way home from some crazy stupid adventure, I would look at my best friend and not even remember what the “issue” was that sent us off on our crazy, self-saving adventure. The difference now is that I’m 21 years old, getting in a car and driving to Florida is how I decided I would be okay and these are the reasons why it is smart now.
I’m not ignoring any issues; I am confronting them.
I used to get in the car with the pure intentions of forgetting what was going on in my life that was wrong. I would do anything to pretend anything bad was not happening. Now, I am going so I am able to spend time talking about and coming to terms with any issues, while figuring out how to deal with them. I’m not running from issues; I’m running from the distractions that stop me from confronting them.
I need an actual change in schedule.
Yes, maybe going to some random city until 4 A.M. and breaking curfew was a change in my schedule when I was 17. Now, I still need to do something different, but this time I thought about this and decided what I needed to change in my schedule and where I could do that. I’m not being reckless with my time; I’m being smart with it. It’s not easy to actually stop everything and go, but if you need it… do it.
I’m surrounded by people who I can be honest with and who want to help.
I have surrounded myself with people who are all aware of everything I am going through and have openly expressed how they want to be there for me. I’m not lying to myself or anyone else, I am ready to be vulnerable. No one can get through everything alone and I know that now. People always offer help and sometimes you need to take it.
I am not bringing anyone around me down.
Everyone has their own personal battles and things to deal with. Sometimes, you cannot help anyone because first you need to help yourself. I want to be there for everyone who I care about, but I know that first I have to be independent and ready for life on my own again. You cannot love and care about others if you cannot do that for yourself. Disappearing for a little bit allows me to focus on me, but no worries... I will be back and better for those I love.
I’m somewhere new… and it’s okay to be excited about that.
I am somewhere I have never been and I freaking love it here! I’m somewhere where I can drive down a 10 mile parkway with water on both sides and I can truthfully appreciate the beauty of the world around me. Every single corner I turn has something new for me to see and experience. New is exciting and healthy and free. I am in a place where I have no burdens or memories, a clean slate. I'm free.
When I come back, I’m actually going to be different.
This time it’s real; it’s very real. Everything is going to be different, it already is. I’ve learned it is not about talking about change, but actually changing. I always talk about how everything is going to change, but a reality check reminded me that it’s less about talking and more about doing. I took the steps to start this change and I won’t stop till it’s complete.
I told someone that I love that things were going to change in my life and this time I meant it. I decided that I was running away, not simply for the thrill or adventure, but because I realized the importance of a true change in my life and myself. I am still me, if anything I am more me than ever, but I’m growing each and every moment since I left. I’m excited for this adventure, but I am more excited for the return. One day you’re 17 years old driving now the road with the intentions of forgetting yourself and next thing you know you’re 21 years old driving down the road with the intentions of saving yourself.
