I remember sitting in my AP English class at the end of senior year, weeks before graduation. Everyone would say, “I can’t wait to get out of here",“I’ve always hated this stupid town” and other things of that nature.
Of course, I could not wait a single moment more before moving out of the only house I’ve lived in. I’ve never moved in my life. It felt so new to even think about leaving the small town I was never able to leave. I always thought about living in the city. When I was younger, I would draw landscapes of skyscrapers standing next to beaches with low tides. I knew I was always meant for something bigger than I was. That was San Francisco.
I got my acceptance letter from the amazing San Francisco State University on Christmas Eve. It was the only letter that I wanted from a school; I held the new student packet in front of my face, my eyes full of tears, and smiled.
I have been living in San Francisco, going to the school of my dreams for about four months now. Though there are things that haven’t gone my way and friends that have already become temporary, I can say that there has not been a moment when I didn’t cherish the life I’m living now.
I have gotten to know the colors of everyone, and others that have not been my cup of tea (I drink coffee, anyway), and it feels nice to know that there aren’t just the handfuls of friends before I left that are there for me. I have some of the best roommates I can ask for. I know that, eventually, some of these people will become just pages in the book of my mind, but I can’t wait to meet the people that will become chapters.
As I walk to school every other morning, I imagine what cool new technique I’ll learn in my photojournalism class, or how boring biology might be. I wonder what it’s like to be upperclassmen, how it is to really know our school by heart.
I once really knew my school by heart. I was a track captain, a poet, an actress. I was the best friend to a girl I see in church when I visit home every month. I was his girlfriend a while back, and he used to hug me before I walked into every class I didn’t have with him.
I am almost 19, and I am a college freshman. I am constantly tripping over my feet near staircases of buildings bigger than the banks from back home. I am broke; college debt is not the least bit fun. I eat leftovers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But I am always finding new things about my life as it adapts to whatever comes my way here.
I did want to leave my heartbroken hometown, I really did. I never knew about public transportation because I was always accustomed to being able to walk across the whole town in just about two hours. I didn’t know that it was OK to be the “new kid,” because, face it, everyone else is too. I still don’t know how to make friends. I find it hard knowing nothing about someone and thinking that maybe, just maybe, they could be my friend since I always knew something about someone to get a conversation going in a town of 15,000 people.
I have learned more than I could possibly perceive in just four months. Expanding my boundaries in one of the grandest cities in the U.S. has made me a much more open-minded person, and living in a house full of girls has taught me to be aware of my messes, and to never leave a box of pizza out overnight. College work comes in truckloads; I now know how to manage my time. I also know that most takeout restaurants close around 2-4 a.m., so that’s nice.
Though I never will truly know what’s in store for me in this ever-changing new life, I will always remember the ones who helped me become someone who’s ready for it. I cannot imagine who I am today without looking back and thanking everyone for being there for me in the years before I headed off here. I’ve always heard of people coming and going, but the ones that choose to stay will remain there for life.
The people who have remained taught me to be kind when there is no need to be, and to cry plainly when you feel like you need someone to share a tear with. These people are more than just pictures on my Instagram feed from weeks back—they are pieces of my heart that I carry everywhere I go.
A lot of people tell me it’s not fun to look back, but how else will I ever get to test drive life without checking my mirrors?




















