The hashtag 'relationship goals' is unavoidable — you see it everywhere: Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr. Usually, the phrase is accompanied by some unrealistic scenario (a boyfriend buying a girlfriend a full outfit and leaving it on her doorstep) or a photo (two people kissing in the ocean of some tropical island).
While these scenarios are nice and obviously happen to some people, they are creating a set of unrealistic expectations surrounding relationships. Don't get me wrong: it's important to have high expectations when picking someone you want to share a part of — or your whole — life with, but the expectations surrounding #relationshipgoals aren't about who the person is, but what he or she can do for you.
The problem is people are now mistaking love and being loved for something materialistic and superficial. Love is no longer about someone coming and supporting you, but what they bring you to show their support. It's not going on dates to be with each other, it's how nice where you go is and what you do. It's not enjoying spending quality time smiling and laughing with each other, but making sure someone's there to capture a photo of it so you can post it online. (And let's be real, most "candids" are staged).
Similarly, people get insecure when their significant other doesn't regularly post photos or statements about them or their relationship. We measure how loved we are in likes and retweets and what someone says about us in the world of social media because that has become more valuable than what people say to our face. If someone tells us we're pretty when looking into our eyes, we're less likely to believe it than if they'd comment it on our latest Instagram post.
We are not entitled to our significant other buying us anything, taking us anywhere, uploading photos of us, or posting about us regularly -- but these have become expected, and if they're not happening as often as we like, we get insecure and doubt the other person's feelings. The idea of these #relationshipgoals has taught us that real love is shown by how much people buy for you or how extravagant something they do for you is. We overlook the little things and expect so much from one person, that even when they do something nice for us it's not enough because of the accessibility of comparing your relationship to someone else's.
What we value in relationships is shifting away from something genuine to something entirely superficial. We are so wrapped up in social media and constantly comparing our lives and relationships to other people's and forget the simple fact that people only post the best parts of themselves and their lives online. Everyone has problems and so does every relationship. And that's okay.
Remember: just because the boyfriend of some random girl you follow on Instagram regularly buys her jewelry and takes her to nice places does not mean that either of them are happy. Anyone can post a photo of someone and slap together a sappy caption about how in love they are. It does not mean that it's real.
What other people think about our relationships does not matter. While approval from other people is nice, it will not make us happy if we are not already happy in our relationship. People's opinions on you and your significant other are nowhere near as important as your opinions on each other.
Overall, while gifts and pictures and posts are nice, we need to remember they are not what defines a relationship. True #relationshipgoals aren't going to be met from looking at other people's lives on your phone -- they're going to be met when you finally put down the phone, and choose to look at each other.
