I was broke, as most college students are. But me and my roommate at the time really wanted to go to this convention. We browsed around, and found out that we could host some panels and, at the end of the weekend, get our money refunded.

So of course we signed up and would you know it, three panels got accepted. I wasn’t scared, I’m used to class presentations, but this was something entirely new.

My first panel drew in a crowd of over 200 people. We got moved into the main events room. Being on stage with 200 or more people is terrifying, especially when there’s lights blinding you, a heavy microphone in your hand and suddenly, all of the prep work you’ve done seems meaningless.

After the panel, countless people asked me how I did it. To be honest, I had no idea. But it’s been over a year since then, almost two now. And I’ve since opened my own business focusing completely on hosting panels at conventions.

Every convention has different guidelines on panels, but the average is working 4 hours of panels over the course of the weekend gives you a refund on your badge cost. But making a panel is so much more work than just those four hours during the convention.

I have a roster of 21 panels that me and my studio run when we go to conventions. Some we bring our more intellectual panels, others we bring our raunchy 18+ ones. But no matter what the content of the panel is, the event itself took a lot of planning. Our biggest panel alone took over a hundred man hours of writing, planning, and rehearsing. And we still have things we change every time we put that panel on.

Which I suppose is why it’s frustrating that some conventions don’t recognize the work that us panelists do. Recently, some conventions have decided to forgo the typical policy of free or reimbursed passes for free items or gifts after the required panels are completed. It seems like a nice idea, except as a panelist, it makes me feel undervalued. It almost feels like the convention is telling me the work I do isn’t important.

But hosting panels isn’t because of the popularity, which to be honest is rather nice, but it’s because I get to see the smiles on people’s faces when they raise their hand to talk about a theory no one else has brought up. It’s because I get to see a little kid sitting right in the front row wanting to win the grand prize we’re giving away.

But it sucks being told we aren’t valuable to a convention. So many conventions are pushing for overnight programming now, but us as panelists don’t see much of a reward for staying up until 2am hosting a panel, only to turn around and be back at 10am for another the next day.

It’s funny. But when someone comes up and asks me what it’s like being a panelist, none of the negatives come to mind. It’s all of the positive stories, the smiling faces, the energetic talking and the looks on the audience’s faces when I say something mind blowing.

That’s what keeps me hosting panels. When I go on Tumblr after a convention and see that someone’s highlight of the weekend was an event I hosted, or that I helped them just sit back and relax after a busy day at the convention with a silly panel. That’s what keeps me coming back.

Will I keep doing all of the cons I currently do? Most likely no. If I keep seeing the behaviors that I see now in regards to panelists, then I’ll just move on to other conventions and take my work elsewhere. But for now, I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon.

I think I just love the stage too much.