My mom always tells me the story of when I was probably less than two years old, she gave me a baby doll of some sort as a gift. Instead of being the slightest bit curious, apparently I just threw it down on the ground and refused to have anything to do with it ever again. Obviously being around two, I don't remember that at all but I do remember my favorite toys being a stuffed fox and a yak that my parents convinced me was a buffalo (because buffalos were my favorite animal). Point being, there were definitely no "baby dolls" in my menagerie of stuffed animals.
As an adult, it's pretty interesting to hear stories about my reactions to things as a child because most of the time, they're reactions that I would expect from the "young me." In translation, I haven't changed a whole lot I guess. One thing that certainly hasn't changed is me not having an urge to have children any time soon, or perhaps even ever. I know a lot of women can't wait until the day they have a child to call their own and that is great. It's wonderful that there are women out there that really dream of being a mother, but being a mother is not for everybody and I think it can be rather difficult for some people to accept that fact, even in 2016.
Throughout the years, I have had numerous conversations with people about not really wanting to have children. These conversations have taken place over the course of years. Some of these people that I have spoken with are very close to me and others totally random people that I might have never seen again. In all situations though, the reactions tended to be pretty similar (except from my parents because they obviously know me very well and wouldn't expect anything different from me).
Some of the things that I encountered were people attempting to tell me, "Oh well, that will change when you get older. You will want kids later on." I believe I was probably told that 10 years ago and I am older now. My mind has not been changed.
Or "When you meet someone, then you will want to have a child." No, if I met someone who insisted on having children, I would be hitting the road ASAP. And I don't mean that in a rude way. There is just no point in wasting someone's time who wants far different things in life that what you do.
How about the best of all, when I was referred to as "selfish" for being a woman and not wanting to reproduce. "That is your role as a woman." Yes, I have actually been told that. And no, I did not travel back in time to hear it. It was just a few years ago.
I totally understand that some people are unable to have children and it is a difficult and heartbreaking situation. But to tell me that I am selfish for making what I feel to be an extremely rational and well thought out choice for me, is wrong. I feel that I have a lot of positive attributes to offer and just because I don't want to have children, that doesn't change my value. To be honest, I think it would be selfish for me to bring a child into this world, especially at this point in my life. It's unrealistic, anything but rational and if I don't want that, then why do it?
It's actually kind of sad to me how strong of a reaction someone can have to somebody else making a choice for themselves in life. I don't go around trying to stir up chaos, but for whatever reason when a woman makes a statement such as, "I don't see myself ever having children." it really gets some people heated. This needs to change.
Personally, I think the fact that I am a woman and can make that statement shows strength and vulnerability. I am confident in my choice and yes, I am aware that anything can happen and anything can change. That's called life, but right now and as far back as I can remember I never have had the desire to make children a part of the equation in my life. And I hope that people can have an open mind and understand that it doesn't make me any less of a woman. I respect and admire mothers, but I just don't feel like I am meant to be a mother.
