The dictionary definition of nostalgia reads “A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past.” As the years continue to go by and as I prepare to arrive at a point in my life where I begin the phase of adulthood, I have found that nostalgia has become both a blessing and a curse in my life.

The world today has proven to be a petrifying and, dare I say, sacred atmosphere. We are living on this earth not knowing what will occur next and I believe that the past month has proven this for us. Between the horrific shootings, the tragedies of young ones being harmed and the historic political events, I am sure there many of us have become lost in reading what the media is projecting at us and losing sight over our daily lives. I have heard more times that I can count that people are wishing for better days. I have barely lived twenty years on this earth, and I, too, have found myself hoping for just that.

I long for the past, and match the definition of nostalgia perfectly, as I find many of my peers do as well. Because I am no longer a child, yet not quite an adult, I ponder upon those days where I didn't understand what the world was going through. I recall not having the ability or the political intellect to try to make sense of elections, broadcasts, or propaganda. I miss not having the daily routines of checking CNN, BBC, and my several forms of social media to read only negative pieces on what is occurring around us.

I read these articles and I watch these programs and my lust for the past simply enlarges. I wish I could go back to the days where it didn't matter to young children what color your skin was, or what religion you were. I wish I could turn on the television and see a man in uniform without the headlines using phrases such as “unfairness” and “brutality.” I wish I did not have to feel the sadness of my English friends when they told me the news concerning Brexit. I wish I didn't have to focus on the debilitating elections of this year.

I wish for all of these things but I remind myself that this is maturing and growing up. I, as I am sure many others my age do, would just prefer it not to be so dangerously disappointing and heartbreaking. I find it incredibly difficult to look forward to the future in a world like this because you never know what will happen next and I suppose that is why it is easier to long for the past because you cannot adjust it. It has already been all laid out. As a young girl, I would never think twice about heading into large, crowded areas. Now, I fear going almost anywhere. I never used to think that expressing my views on religion and politics should or would matter to other people. I have found otherwise, especially in the most recent months. I fear for my friends who identify as queer. I fear for my friends who are international students at my school who have to sit and listen to angry politicians discussing whether or not they should be allowed in this supposedly free country. I fear for myself from just accepting the mere fact that I someday may have a family that has to live with the repercussions of what we are experiencing as a society today.

If I could go back to a time where not recognizing what is deemed to be unacceptable in the world today, I would. I would go back to when Trump was a household name for his business and his business only. I would go back to when my friends in England spoke with such passion about being able to study their courses in any country that they desired in Europe. I would go back to when society did not argue over whether or not we should kill living creatures over what could not have been controlled. Yet, while I would go back to all of this, I have come to realize that the twisted irony of everything that the world has and is currently enduring is just a stepping stone into an unknown future, that, I very much hope, is full of brighter possibilities.