College, they say, is when you find yourself. You take the time to explore your present self and who you want to be in the future outside the bounds of everything you knew back home.

But here's the thing: I know myself. I know what makes me tick, I know what makes me happy, I know the kind of people I want to surround myself with, and I know what my career goal is. Most importantly, I know how much stimulation/activity my anxiety threshold can take. I've known for a long time, since high school actually, that it was, in fact, very low. But still, despite this, people were telling me I should explore in college, get involved, and do more things that scare me.

But why? Why would I push myself farther than I knew I could handle? Why would I purposefully put myself in situations that would never help me, no matter what others believed could relieve the constant presence of anxiety? Why would I do this just because this is supposedly what college is all about?

I'm introspective and have been since I was a child. I've always kept to myself and preferred the written word as opposed to the spoken word. So I like to think I've grown exceptionally familiar with myself in my nearly 22 years of life. And I knew from my first day at college back in 2013, the experience people were expecting me to want to have was not the one I wanted for myself. I entertained the idea for other people for awhile, saying I might be interested in joining a club or two. But I always knew that was never going to happen.

I knew that, if I pushed myself, my days and nights would be filled with constant anxiety more than they already were. I would be worried about going to school out of fear of having to interact with more people than my socially phobic brain could possibly handle. "Pushing myself" would instead turn into constant dread and feelings of unease. So I ask again, why would I ever do that?

So I didn't.

My college days were filled with driving to and from campus each day, attending classes, homework, and studying. That was it. I made friends in class but rarely hung out with them outside of a classroom setting. Because I didn't want to. Not because I was afraid or because I didn't like these people that I met but because I didn't want to. Don't get me wrong, every single one of them are people I can see myself staying in contact with once I graduate in May. But these are the people that I became friendly with in a setting where I was comfortable: the classroom. And I think this is why I can see them in my life down the line. I also never attended a single party or went drinking with anyone, which is something a lot of people drown their days with during their college years. I went to school, did what I had to do, and then immediately came home where I could change into sweatpants and cuddle up with my dog. Because this was what I wanted.

I didn't isolate myself because I was anxious but, rather, because I simply found the "typical college experience" to be unappealing. I focused 100% on my schoolwork and, because of this, I have been on Dean's list every single semester and have been able to take pride in what I've been doing. I'm not saying that people can't do well in both the social aspect and academic aspect of college but, the way my brain works, I knew I could only have one. So I chose the one I could take the most pride in. And, most importantly, the one that I was paying all this money for.

I did college the way I wanted to do college and I know with utmost certainly I will not look back in a few years and regret a single thing. I lived it the way I knew I could handle and I was right.

So, no, I didn't "branch out" in college but, no, I don't feel bad about it. So don't worry about me. Don't think I didn't do enough or that I'll regret not taking more chances in these past four years. Because I'm happy with the way I lived.