I often see articles all over social media about people’s mothers being their best friends. I’ve read quite a few of these, but they’ve never really pulled on my heartstrings or described our relationship in anyway. I’ve never told her every little detail about my life, we've never gossiped about my classmates, and we’re never overly affectionate toward each other. However, this isn’t something that I’m sad about or feel as though I’m missing out on. No, my mother was not my best friend, but she was always my biggest fan and someone who pushed me to always be my best self.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the fact that people say this about their mothers. It warms my heart that you would call your mom every day just to tell her a silly detail. For these people, they need their mom to be that person, and more power to you, but my experience has been very different.

My mom is very independent, never outspoken, and one of the strongest people I know. Sometimes these qualities make her a very intimidating and opinionated person. Growing up with such a strong role model helped me strive to be better, but this was also a challenge at times. Sometimes we fought about these qualities. Sometimes I didn’t appreciate her opinions about what I was wearing, who I was hanging out with, or how many hours of Netflix I watched. When I was in high school, I often mistook her looking out for me as her being mean or critical. We often didn’t see eye to eye, and this caused a lot of tears and yelling over the years.

What I didn’t see is that she really did just want the best for me. She wanted me to learn how to carry myself, to work hard and to surround myself with good people. She pushed me to be better because she saw my potential even when I didn’t. I’ve come to understand now that fighting was never her intention; it was just to show that she cared.

Not having my mother as my best friend has also forced me to be independent. Now that I’m a rising sophomore in college, I really do need to figure some things out on my own. Although I know I can always call when I need help, she’s always given me the room to make my own mistakes and grow. She’s always been an advocate of tough love and taking responsibility for myself. This seems harsh, but it’s a reality that everyone has to face. You put off your paper until the night before? Tough luck, better bust your butt to get it done, that’s your own fault you’re stressed and crying isn't doing you any good. She wasn’t the one I turned to to tell me what I wanted to hear; she was the one that always told me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not.

Another thing that is dramatically different about our relationship in my eyes was that we aren't terribly affectionate toward each other. We don't hug very often, we don't say "I miss you" and "I love you" every time we talk on the phone. I used to really dislike this about our relationship and I felt self-conscious when I compared it to other people's relationships with their parents. I figured that we just didn't get along. With time, I realized that she just showed these emotions in different ways. She'd push me to be better not because what I was doing wasn't good enough, but because she believed that I had it in me to do better. She was never really my shoulder to cry on. She never indulged stupid drama between my friends and me, tears over my brother being mean to me or frustration over things I couldn't control. She was the one that always told me it wasn't worth being upset about and that I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on. I wrote this off as her being dismissive and not caring, but really she was teaching me to be resilient and to look at what's actually important in life.

So no, I don’t call my mom every day, or sometimes not even every week. I don’t tell her about the boys I’m texting or what annoying thing my friend did. She doesn’t know what I do every single weekend. She doesn’t even ask. No, I would never say that my mother is my best friend. My mother is my biggest advocate, the best role model, and one of my favorite people. And I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my relationship with my mom, and whether or not either of us knew it was happening, it’s caused me to be a lot like her, and I could not be happier about that.

So Mom, if you’re reading this, thank you for not being my best friend but someone I would never be the same without. Thank you for sitting through four years of mediocre high school shows, for telling me that those jeans did in fact make me look bad, for believing in me, for supporting me, and for helping me rise to every occasion. I love you a lot.