The year 2015 was a year of leaving my comfort zone of my college and family, making new friends, and exploring the world. It was just over a year ago that I left my comfort zone to go on one of the most epic adventures as a college student. With over a year of talking about and planning, I decided to study abroad for a semester in Newcastle, Australia. Throughout my year of preparations, I read multiple blogs, researched my host country and learned the best techniques for packing - as it was my first time out of the country and second to flying for a long period of time. By the time my family loaded the truck with my luggage and hauled me off to Chicago O' Hare, I was confident and anxious that I had made the right choice. However, by the end of those five months, I didn't realize that my heart would forever be shattered, I was definitely unprepared for the feelings I would experience five months later.
I'll admit, after five months of being independent and relying on my instincts, the transition of coming home was more of a shock than I realized. During orientation, my program had a session over reverse culture shock, but I didn't believe that it would apply to me. Little did I know that when I walked out of my gate in Indianapolis to greet my dad and boyfriend, I would almost instantly feel depressed and somewhat numb. I felt like I woke up from a five month long dream and I could never go back. And, for the next two months, my boyfriend noticed a huge attitude change, but I couldn't help it—I wasn't happy in Indiana and it took a lot of adjustment to feel the least bit okay. To this day, I still don't and probably never will feel whole, and I have accepted that fact.
Almost nine months since I came home, I have thought about the different destinations I visited and all of the friends I made along the way. Every. Single. Day. As cliche as it sounds, I will never forget the people I met and the memories I made with them—and that is why my heart will never be whole. I expected to make friends and had a list of places I wanted to visit, but never expected to gain a family.
Whether it was a day trip to Cave's Beach to meeting a German girl on an excursion that shared the same hostel with my group of girls or even to the young elephant who stole my heart right away, each encounter, I left a piece of my heart with them. My heart will forever be broken into a million pieces, but it is worth it, because I get to say that I've traveled to more places thus far than some people will in their life.
If it weren't for the opportunities at Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College and International Studies Abroad, I would have had a completely different experience. Throughout my planning, I had many choices - I could have gone through a different study abroad program, to a different country or not even through a program at all. But, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and for that reason, I made memories of a lifetime.
Every day that I look back on my journey, I feel a sense of sadness, because I know that I can't travel back in time and experience the same things I did with the same people, but I can look ahead to the adventures that do await.
As I look ahead to the future, I know I can encourage others to study or even travel while in college. I'm keen on sharing my story with others in hopes of seeing them adventure off to new and foreign places.
If you are reading this and skeptical of studying abroad, please take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and see as much as you can, it'll be worth every minute.
My heart may be shattered, but I am forever grateful for the journey I took and the people I met a long the way, you will forever hold a piece of my heart. In the end, I paid the ultimate price for loving too many people in too many places.
"It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember"—Unknown
