The little things have always meant the most to me; the way someone will go out of their way to cheer me up on a bad day, the way the guy i'm interested in remembers my coffee order, or even the way my puppy runs up to me after being away at school. I've always valued the little things, so it's no surprise that my fears have always been important to me too, even if they're childish or silly. We can't choose what we're afraid of, we can't miraculously make them disappear with a snap of our fingers. So for me, my fears are more than just something I sheepishly laugh at when my friends wanna do it; they're what makes me, me because it's more than just what's on the outside, the silly little phobia.

I'm afraid of looping roller coasters. Sure a bunch of people are because they're afraid of throwing up or getting stuck up there. Sure I'm scared of those things too, but I'm afraid of what comes after that. I'm afraid that if I die up there, what will I have to show for my life? I don't want to be known as that girl who was known for dying on a rollercoaster. I have a fear of being useless, unknown when I die, just some girl who flew under the radar her entire life. I want to make an impact in life and I'm scared I won't. I'm afraid I'll fall and there will be no one there to clean up my pieces and i'll slip into the abyss.

I'm afraid of getting lost. I'm afraid of getting lost in the woods, stranded without any help. But I have no reason to be afraid of the woods, I love to hike. It's the fear that I'm afraid I'm gonna lose someone. I fear being alone after being so dependent on someone for so long, that one day I'll become lost to them and they won't even notice anymore. Eventually you're always found but it scares me that lull period, that idea that I'm all by myself again.

I'm afraid of moving on. I've lived my life in such a routine that change is hard for me, I like to be in control of things and know my surroundings, not scared in the face of unknown variables. But here's the thing, of course I was afraid to leave my family when I came to college and I'll be scared as hell when I graduate; looking back, it's not the action I'm scared of, but the reality. I'm afraid to accept the reality that's gone, that all I've ever known is about to change. Moving on is easy, you adjust, you find a new normal, a cycle starting over. But it's the fact that knowing what you had before is gone. You're no longer the same person you were when you left, time doesn't stop- you can't pick up where you left off when you left. You'll change and reality will change with you.

I'm afraid of love. I fall in love with the idea of a person, the idea of love, and I flat out fall. I don't know what it is like to be in love, truly, so this unknown scares me. But maybe it's not love I'm scared of, maybe I'm just afraid of not being loved back. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I put my all into someone only to be let down time and time again. So I'm afraid to try again, to try to put myself out there and be vulnerable, but yet again, it's just me afraid of being hurt again in the same way, for the same damn reason.

I'm afraid of the future. Sure, I'm not ready to be an adult yet or working a 9-5 job...aren't all college students? It's not my career that scares me or the pressures of life that are ahead of me. In reality, I'm scared I won't make my parents proud, that I won't be the type of parents that my parents were for me. I'm scared in the future I won't be good enough for someone and I'll let people down.

So in the end, my little fears don't seem so little but that's ok, they remind to value what's in front of me, that life won't be easy and that I can't just live in the shadow of my fears. So maybe one day I'll face my fears and walk through the fire but until then, I'll just keep crying at rollercoaster and hoping for the best.