Why Men Are Assholes

Countless tabloids, television shows, songs and films have enforced the idea that the typical male is unable to communicate, has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, uses women to achieve some sort of “status” and is incapacitated by communication that requires more attention than they need to watch the EPSN Halftime Report. Women discuss these traits of their partners or spouses to their friends, and, unsurprisingly, they have had similar experiences in the not-so-distant past that instill this jaded perspective toward men. Even Urban Dictionary defines "asshole" as such:

Men are rude, inattentive, enraging creatures who are engineered to make half of a zygote and that is that.

I’m here to tell you that these women are right to hold this value. However, there is a condition that should be considered before they deem a man as a complete tool.

Over my spring holiday, I visited my family who recently moved out to Sin City, the epicenter of douche-canoe frat boys and mid-mid-life crises fathers chasing their youth. While on my visit, my father, step-mother and I went to go see a show titled “Defending the Caveman,” which explores and pokes at the gender-gap that has plagued the world since the dawn of mankind. Throughout the anecdotes and audience reactions, it was clear to see that the idea of men being “assholes” was widely accepted and normative. Women gave ovations and men shifted uncomfortably in their seats as the orator, Kevin Burke, told tale after tale about his interactions with the fairer sex — including his wife — who endorsed the belief that men are complete pricks.

But, the show — and the thoughts of those in the audience — took a shift in perspective; what if we were to think about men and women as two different entities, two different creatures within the homo sapiensspecies or two different cultures at the mercy of one another? Think about it; while men and women are both part of the human race, is there enough similarity to group them together as a singular, massive syndicate?

From the dawn of the human race, man and woman have created differentiation among themselves that have trickled down to the modern age. The woman was the gatherer — the one who learned to distinguish poisonous plants from the friendly foliage, the one who created the first attempt of a calendar (done through tracking of menstrual cycles) and the one who brought the expansion of the human race to fruition. The man was the hunter — the main provider, the one with the spear and, consequently, the one who worshiped the woman for her knowledge, sacredness and wisdom. While men were able to keenly focus on a single object with intensity, women were able to absorb details about the world around them.

While listening to this divergent concept, the idea of the sexes being different cultures became clearer — we can apply this same logical path of reasoning to how people behave today.

Due to the fact that men were engineered to be hunters, they have the capability to focus on one or two things immensely — this is displayed through their socialization process, as well. While the hunters went to find and kill their game, men go out to watch and play their games. Men typically bond over activities that operate with the same practices as hunting; find the prey, kill the prey, celebrate and be merry. Think about March Madness, the Superbowl or an afternoon out fishing. The prey is killed (or isn’t) and is celebrated (or leaves the men in rage or despair).

Women, once gatherers, went out in groups and looked for plants and fruits that could supplement the prey that the hunters brought back home. The same is true for women and their modern practices; women in bars and nightclubs almost always go to the bathroom in multiples to discuss the details of their surroundings. Women bond over the disclosure of details. This is why we see “deeper” emotional relationships between women than we do in men — the sharing of personal details often implies intimacy and trust, two components of an arguably strong emotional bond between two people. But, men have the same amount of emotions as women — they just say it in fewer words because they don’t talk as much, aren’t as emotionally coached or aren’t as apt to share those deeper feelings with each other as women are.

While the show went on to make more comparisons between the modern human race and the cave-people from eons ago, one thing remains to be said — women believe that men are assholes because they don’t operate on the same frequencies as they do and men are just confused because they don’t have as many inter-hemisphere connections within their brains like the ladies do. But, to demean an entire sex or culture in society because they’ve been different than the other is just as bad as the men who think that women should still be submissive homebodies. This misunderstanding is common among modern society, and I think that it’s time we make the distinction between “a--hole or b---h” and “different.”

So, the next time someone says that “all men are assholes,” maybe we should prompt them to change their statement to “men may be assholes, but women are just as bad.”