We have all heard this story way too often: “We met online but when I saw him/her in person, it wasn’t what I expected.”
And almost all the time, we contribute these expectations to appearance and personality differences, but there may be a very different explanation. Expectations that we have may cause these “real”-ationships to crash and burn before they even begin. Of course, online dating is a part of modern life. It can be difficult to meet people in person, and technology is ready with a solution. However, we all hear stories about how someone seemed perfect online, only to be a complete disappointment in person. Why does this seem to happen so often?
Most of the people who meet online exchange a few (or many) messages and read a profile that the person has written. Before we even see the person with our own eyes, we begin to formulate ideas and situations that we may encounter with this fantasy person. When you message them, they can come across as suave and witty. Their pictures have filters but that doesn’t mean anything, right? I use filters on Instagram, and I don’t think I’m hideous. This thinking is not flawed, but I guarantee the person you are talking to is. I don’t mean that this person is secretly a serial killer on the weekends. I simply mean that they present their ideal selves online, and you, having just meant them, accept this portrayal as reality.
It doesn't take long for you to idealize this person. When you think about kissing them, they are the perfect kisser. When you think about dinner with them, they know exactly what to say and how to make you laugh. When you think about a relationship with them, they fulfill every need you have. Of course, when you meet up in person, it will only take a few minutes for you to realize that this thinking was completely and totally incorrect.
So how can you avoid this? How can you stop yourself from sabotaging the relationship before it even begins? The first step is realizing this is a problem. There are two extremes: the person is perfection in human form or they are the worst human being ever and you should never go on a date with them. You need to find a middle ground between these two extremes. Try to be realistic about your expectations but don’t write someone off completely just because of a few flaws.
To have a good dating experience, regardless of being online or not, you should expect to have a good time, but do not expect perfection. You should never go into a first date thinking that the person will be your soulmate. Instead, think that maybe they could be your soulmate but in order for that to happen, you need to keep an open mind and heart.
