If you have appendicitis you'd probably think, "Oh, I should see a doctor." No one bats an eye when symptoms of an illness are visible, because when you can see something people believe it. What happens when you have racing thoughts that keep you up at night? What about an unexplainable feeling of constant sadness that prevents you from spending time with your loved ones? Shouldn't that warrant an "I should see a doctor" type of feeling? I'm here to tell you that if your mind is causing you distress, it's okay to see the kind of doctor who can help you — say it with me: A therapist.

My freshman year of college was going really well. I had a great group of friends, I was dating a boy that I loved and I was truly enjoying my classes. But for some reason, I always had this "not quite right" type of feeling. I would lay in bed at night and just think. I didn't sleep, I was never hungry, I would skip class because I just didn't feel like I could get up (sorry, Mom). What really tipped the scale for me was the day that I just started crying. I had absolutely no reasoning to give myself for feeling so sad. I literally googled "Why do I feel like this?" and it lead me to an article about depression and anxiety. After reading and giving a resounding yes to every symptom, I knew I couldn't figure this out by myself. I knew there was a counseling center on campus, and I called to get information. I was set up with a therapist within the week, and I've been going ever since.

I think the reason that there is such a stigma attached to therapy is because TV shows and movies portray it as something only for "crazy people." In reality, therapy is honestly the most helpful thing to ever have graced my life. For some, it can be a nerve-wracking experience at first. You really are putting your issues out on the table for a stranger to see. Starting therapy wasn't hard for me personally, because I was able to tell myself that this is literally this person's job. It's a no judgment zone where you talk about what's bothering you for an hour a week. Sometimes it can be a really difficult session where tough things come up, but other times it can be a great place to celebrate the small victories you've achieved since your last session.

My most recent therapist was the dopest lady I've ever met (shout out to you, girl). I felt like I was telling Amy Poehler about my problems. What I loved so much about her was that she wasn't there to give me answers to all of the things that were bothering me, rather she helps me talk through them. For a few weeks in a row, we talked about how social situations, like college parties, honestly scare the living hell out of me. I'd gone to maybe one or two, but I just stood in the corner sweating and crying on the inside because I really honest to God hated it so much and just hoped the people who owned the house had a dog I could pet. She asked me why I felt so anxious about it, and what I told myself that made them seem so bad. "What do I tell myself?" I asked. "Yeah, what is the dialogue you have with yourself that makes you believe that parties are something you can't be apart of?" she answered. I had never thought about that before. Wracking my brain for why I felt this way, I finally came up with something. "I don't like the thought of potential awkwardness." She asked me why I felt that I would be the cause of an awkward situation and I didn't have an answer. "Ellen, you're funny, you're a nice person, and I enjoy talking to you! You and I were strangers at our first session and now look at us." I remember smiling but not knowing what to say. "I want you to go to a party. That is your homework for me this week" she said, which made me sweaty. But I put on my big girl pants and did what she said. I told a friend of mine I wanted to go with her to a party and she let me tag along. And guess what? I had a God damned good time.

This is only one way that therapy has helped me. While my fear of big social gatherings isn't forever cured, small steps can mean big victories. Therapy has helped me be more mindful in my day to day life. I've even recently realized that I don't worry about things in the same way that I used to. I give myself opportunities to succeed, and that's exactly what therapy can do for a person. It allows you to remove the barriers you've set for yourself and take the next step forward in being your happiest you. If therapy is something you're considering, go for it! Way to push yourself in the right direction. Make that call, set up an appointment, and start living your best life! You're inside is just as important as your outside, so take good care of yourself.