I have always had a love-hate relationship with my body. It has taken a long time to accept ALL myself. Of course I’m not totally there yet, there some days where I hate my appearance. I am and always have been my own worst critic, because I can see things that others can’t. Nitpicking every inch of my body, finding reasons to be unsatisfied. My whole life I’ve been surrounded by the media telling me how to look, somehow forcing me to live up to someone else’s expectations. I felt so unsatisfied with how I looked, because I saw the people around me fitting into the shape they were supposed to be. That just didn’t happen for me, I struggled with weight issues, I bloomed early. By 8th grade I stopped growing up and started growing out.

I grew up in a time where being skinny, athletic and tall was the ideal body shape, I was none of those things. Media had pushed this ideal body into my head that I couldn’t let go of. It was a body that I would never have, no matter how many diets I went on or how much I exercised. My health wasn’t the issue, it was my genes. The body I had been given wasn’t what society wanted me to have, or to be okay with. I walked around thinking that I looked fat and ugly, that no one would ever love me because of how I looked. I had a pudgy stomach, big boobs, thick thighs that did more than just touch, a butt that I could barely find pants for and a double chin that just wouldn’t quit. My friends always told me I had the perfect hourglass shape, which was true, but it wasn’t what I saw. I saw how uneven my body was, my wide hips, tiny waist and boobs that caused more back pain than I ever wanted. My friends were tall, skinny and gorgeous. It felt like they were just trying to make me feel better about this body that I was eternally stuck in. Watching movies and TV shows, every girl was skinny and tall. No one looked like me. That was truly heartbreaking, it made me feel weird and out of place. Like I didn’t fit in this world, I didn’t belong.

I’m not exactly sure when I started to change my perspective on myself but I think it was around the middle of high school. I hate to see how influenced I was by media but it’s really evident in my life. Once media started to idolize curvy women, I started to feel beautiful and represented. It helped me accept myself for who I am and will always be and with that empowerment I can help others accept themselves, because it’s truly horrible to wake up every day and hate everything about yourself. Of course it wasn’t me who I hated; I hated the fact that I didn’t look a certain way. Do I exercise? Yes. Do I eat healthy? As much as I can. I’ve come to a point in my life where I can always strive to look better but I don’t want to look different because I like the way I look. And that’s enough.