I am at a point in my life where I can admit to my flaws. Not all of my flaws are bad. They just may not mesh well with whatever flaws or attributes you may have. First of all, I can say I have really bad trust issues. Excluding the man above, God, I trust no one. I was not always this way. In these past couple of years life and adulthood have made me a new person, somethings have been for the better while others are for the worst. Most of it has been for the worse because lately I do not recognize myself. Secondly, I am very prideful. Jennifer Lopez said it best, “All my pride is all I have. (refer to All I Have by Jennifer Lopez and LL Cool J)” At times, I can put my pride aside but it never works out well for me. Lastly, one thing I PRIDE myself on is my loyalty. There have been two people in my life, who did not appreciate my loyalty. Once I saw how unappreciative they were, I happily dismissed them from my life. (Sidenote: If you were to ask them why I no longer speak to them, they would not even be able to tell you. People only see your mistakes, never theirs.) My loyalty is curse because only few people value it. Not everyone is willing to do for me what I would do for them.
As far as my trust issues go, it would be nice to put my faith back in people. I lost it long time ago and do not know how to get it back. I interact with people on such a surface level because I cannot seem to tell if people’s intentions are genuine. By no means am I saying everyone is fake and I am as real as it gets. What I am saying is that not everyone truly cares about you like they say they do. You cannot put your trust in people as an older generation will say you once could. I have had people swear on the last piece of chicken that they care about me, yet I have not spoken to them in months and years. Their actions would be so counterintuitive to what they said. A blessing, often a curse, that God gave me was honesty. I do not like lying to people. I can HONESTLY tell you if I miss you, want to see you, or if I truly care about you. These feelings are the times in which I put my pride aside because the last thing I want to have is regrets.
My pride and my ego are best friends, more so like identical twins. Pride is the consciousness of one's own dignity; dignity being the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. While, ego is a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. (Please refer to Apple’s MacBook dictionary application) I will not be treated any type of way and you will not speak to me any type way. Raise your voice, use foul language toward or insult my character and I can promise you we will never speak again. My pride has saved me from myself. Who knows what I could have done if I would have reacted to your behavior?
Lastly, the trait that pains me the most is my loyalty. I did not mean to be so good to you. I was willing to stand by your side guilty or not guilty. None of your flaws bothered me because I like you as whole and never judged. It was different for you, I now see. You did not feel the same for me and you definitely told me you did not. I just blew it off but I kept it in the back of my mind for future reference. I knew you were not really ride or die because you DID NOT care about me the way you say you did. You were not loyal. Just admit it. PLEASE. Now for the people I remain loyal to until this day, please know I would do anything for you. Trust and believe. The minute I sense disloyalty, my gut instinct is never wrong, I will dismiss you from my life. When I see you in the streets, it will be as if I never met you. So don't call me fake, you know what you did.
Always know I will put me before you. I now know what people are capable of and I just cant risk me for you. I will always be worth it.
Sincerely,
Loyalty, Pride & Trust
