This is going to be more a personal, religious post, so let's brace ourselves here.
When I was 13 years old, I was a very depressed young girl who didn't know where to turn or who to love. I questioned The Lord's mercy and His love, and most of all, my own faith. I struggled with self-harm, and I had hated who I was every time I looked into the mirror. Life was hard, mostly because I shut Him out of my life. I struggled with guilt and severe depression for many years. It was like a thousand pounds weighing my shoulders and my heart down every time I wanted to stand back up. It seemed as though every single day when I woke up with a fresh start, the craters and imperfections became more noticeable on the inside and outside of my body. So much so that it was hard to eat the food I was so blessed to have. It was difficult for me to be grateful for the parents that loved me dearly, and the roof over my head and the family that was behind me every step of the day, and a God who was fighting so much harder to keep me alive than I was trying to.
Then on a fateful day in August 2012, I went to church for the first time in a very long time, and my life was changed. I am so grateful for the people that brought happiness back into my life. I am so thankful for the God who lifted my burden and filled every crater and fixed any imperfection. I slowly began to realize that is what he was trying to do every time I sat in my room in tears. He was begging me just as much as I was begging him to help me. The reason why he didn't is because I didn't allow him to. You see, in order to be loved by a God above all God's, you have to accept the sacrifice of His son and allow him into your heart and your soul to be truly transformed by Him and His word. Without this simple acknowledgement, you cannot be changed.
I sit here typing this with tears streaming down my face because I am so thankful to God for literally saving my life. For giving His one and only Son for my salvation, for my chance to enter the beautiful kingdom of Heaven. His word states in Psalm 45:11 NIV—"Let the Lord be enthralled with your beauty; Honor Him, for He is your Lord." This verse speaks to me on many levels. Enthralled means to be captivated. Our God wants you to get lost in how beautiful you are to him. If The Almighty can see that you are beautiful beyond words, why can't you see that when you look in the mirror? I carry this verse deep within my heart, to help remind me as to why I am loved, and why I need to love myself. If He can beautiful, I can see beautiful.
His Love overcame me and transformed my life. It was not an overnight process. I struggled for a long time, and I continue to do so. But if it were not for Him and the amazing love and forgiveness He has shown me, I would not be alive today. I encourage you to pray to him, and thank him for giving you life, for allowing you the opportunity to spend our eternity in happiness.The scars I have due to self-mutilation is my testimony as to how he changed my life. I love My God. I love Our God. This is why you should too.
Please join me in prayer if you need this transformation:
Dear Lord, we come to you today weak, lost, in shadows. We do not lie, we are fretting beyond a measurable doubt. Take away this meekness, this loss. Help the Sun shine on us once again. We invite you in our hearts, in our minds, in our ways, in our souls. Transform us like the Mighty GOD you are. We praise you, worship you, and only wish to become more like you. Amen.
