Life, as we know it, is too difficult to figure out. The pain we endure on a daily basis is beyond our imagination. The relationships we so easily give up on because we don’t find the truth behind them are truly sad.
We are all born as this clean slate, and as our life progresses, things forcefully embellish our slate with scars, bruises, and the occasional decorative symbol of love. We run around naively and immaturely, like we are invincible, until one day we are hit so hard in the face, we understand the reality and harshness of life.
People are not our enemies, pain is our enemy, yet we invite pain into the lives of others like it is the most valued objective in a person’s life. We let pain define who we become, and we use it to mask our personality. When pain manages to crack our hearts, we use cement blocks to pave a wall around our hearts to keep anyone from entering. Keeping those who cause you pain out is the right thing to do, but how do you know when to let the right person break it down? You don’t entirely ever know who the right people to enter your castle should be, but those who treat you like royalty without thinking twice are the ones who deserve a chance to show you how much they care. Those who make you a priority when it seems like they have no time in the world deserve a chance. More importantly, you owe it to yourself to have a chance at finding someone so worth all the pain you have ever found in your life. You owe it to yourself not to keep yourself from falling so head over heels in love that you forget all the pain you have ever felt in your life.
It's not ever easy tearing down something you spent so much time building, but sometimes, it's just the right thing to do, sometimes it's all you need to not throw your life away. I spent a lot of my life hiding behind my fort, but I decided it was time to come out from hiding, and it has served me well. I don’t need to fear the people who embrace me, because I have learned to tell who deserves my time and energy. I don’t need to fear love that tries to engulf me, because I have learned to give my emotions to only those who admire them. All I know is, I didn’t want to live my life being scared of everything and everyone that knocks on my door, but I also didn't want to be stupid enough to let everyone enter my castle.
Starting to let go of my pain and fears was the best decision I made for myself; I'm thankful God gave me the strength to get through the part of my life where I was so damaged, I couldn't maintain a relationship with anyone. I let go of friends and backed away from family. I was just terrified anyone and everyone would hurt me. I never wanted anyone to get close to me. But I guess God really does have a plan for everyone and I'm glad I learned to let go; I learned to let people in and I learned to let people break down my wall because in doing so, I have found the most meaningful relationships of my life.
So, it's perfectly okay to be terrified of letting someone in and breaking down your wall. Just remember, you are worthy of love and you deserve it just as much as anyone else. It is possible no matter how scarred you think you may be. Let yourself feel. Let yourself love. Let yourself free from the hold you are keeping on your own heart. You wont regret it.
