If I could have made you stay, please understand that I would have. I would have done anything to have you hold me, kiss me or make me laugh one last time.

But I learned so much from you throughout our time spent together. I learned that both people have to be fully committed - during the good and bad times. I could have fought for and with you until I was blue in the face, but the truth is, I couldn't have changed your mind. I couldn't force you to want me back and I couldn't force you to be intentional.

I learned that I cared about you so deeply that I needed to let you go to allow you to be happy. To allow you to figure out your life and your future. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to be part of that, but sometimes Gods plan is completely different. I might not understand it, even to this day, but because I care so much, I let you go.

I let you go because I could potentially see a future with you, but your picture of what could be was fading faster than it showed. If I could repaint that picture, I would. But it would be different and I would want us to be the "old us." Reality eventually set in that you and I would never be the same again. So I let you go, because I need our old picture.

I let you go because part of me felt guilty. I felt guilty for having such strong feelings for you that I wanted to control how you felt. I wanted you to share the same feelings that I felt and I wanted you to share them so badly that at some points, I was willing to force them on you. In time, that grew old and the guilt set in because I knew you we genuinely not happy anymore. So I let you go.

I let you go because if I couldn't have you in my life as my boyfriend or more, I didn't want to lose you completely. In the end, this may or may not have happened. But realistically, I would do anything to keep you in my life because of the impact you have had - positive and negative. I wanted to hold onto all of these things and I pray that one day, we will grow our friendship at minimum. But as my boyfriend, I let you go.

I let you go because it wasn't fair to me. Every time I thought of you with her, a part of me broke. There was pressure on my chest, a pit in my stomach and anxiety in my head. I cried a lot, and put on a face to show that I am strong. But that too got old. I deserve to be happy, so I let you go.

I let you go because I deserve someone that will not let me go. I deserve to have the world and although you once gave it to me, forever was not part of your plan. It hurts to this day, but I know that my forever will come and never let me go. He will never ask me to let him go.

Understand that although I walked away from what we could have been and what we were does not mean that I think any less of you. Regardless of things that were said on both sides. There will always be a part of me that misses you and wishes you were still "mine." There will always be a part of me that prays for friendship and civilized conversations. For more memories and laughs. I will always pray for those moments. But I refuse to force them on you anymore, so I let you go.