At some point in our lives, I think most of us long for a serious relationship because it makes us feel complete. I have certainly been there. We long for someone to share the bits and pieces of our lives with, for the security and comfort of being able to count on their support and care. We crave affection and attention that we can count on to stick around. But until a few months ago, I wasn't even slightly aware of the importance of being single.
If I'm being completely honest, serious relationships are something I know more about than being single. I always enjoyed being in a longterm relationship and I think a big part of me liked knowing I could make someone else happy. I liked knowing I was someone that another person could count on. But that's exactly why it's so important to give yourself time alone.
Being in a relationship is a lot of work. You adopt this sort of new life once you become serious with someone. You become dedicated to trying to make someone else happy. Decisions are no longer solely your own, your feelings aren't the only ones considered anymore. More money is spent and more of your time is consumed and used by someone else. And that isn't a bad thing, but my point is that we each deserve time to follow our own aspirations, to use our own time the way we want. We deserve to give ourselves everything we can while we can.
When you commit to trying to create and share a life with someone, you learn to give and take. You have to give up some of the things you want in order to do what is best for the relationship. How you spend money becomes a factor, living conditions, practicality, meeting expectations, are just a few things that you don't face when you are on your own. I'm not saying it isn't worth the tradeoff of sharing a life with someone you love, but I am saying that by being single for awhile, you won't have to worry about compromising anything you want.
I've created some of my best memories while I was single. I moved across the country and got to explore a new city, make new friends and develop new hobbies. I wrote a short story and finally published some of my poetry. I went back to college, got my own apartment, started a blog and began working for myself running company websites. I got a personal trainer, went out, splurged on myself, competed on an equestrian team and starting writing for this very site. I built a life of my very own based on everything that was just...me. And once I started a serious relationship I wasn't able to have all of those things, my life changed into a mesh that included pieces of their life and of mine. And that's what I'm saying. You should give yourself the whole before you have to decide which pieces you want to leave behind to make room for someone else's.
Of course, you can do amazing things with a significant other. But I was able to do so much for myself because I was single at the time. I had free time on my hands so I filled it with the things I wanted. I didn't have to consider anyone else. I wanted to move, so I did. I wanted to go out all night and write stories all day in my apartment listening to piano music. I wanted to spend afternoons at the barn and buy a million books I didn't need and drive to the beach when I felt like it. And when things got tough and I became lonely I had to figure out what to do for myself. I grew as a person and experienced so many things that I probably wouldn't have been able to if I'd been in a serious relationship. I would have wanted to please who I was with, and 8 hours of piano music probably wouldn't have cut it.
Be single so you can give yourself all the experiences you want. Be single so you can save your money for the things that you, and only you, want. Decorate your own apartment, fall in love with your own hobbies, chase your own success story and be your own hero when things get rough. Fulfill your own life while you can, so when you do meet someone to share your life with, you two can create a new life together without feeling like the life you wanted before them is incomplete.
