One of the hardest things about growing up is finding those little things, those insecurities that sometimes seem too significant. It could be your body image, or your personality, or lack of self-esteem. But when it's all of these things, it gets really difficult to love yourself.
Personally, I've always struggled with how I saw myself. It started when I was pretty young; I would find myself feeling insecure about my personality. I wondered why I was quiet and liked to keep to myself. When I got into middle school, I suddenly found a plethora of insecurities about my body image. I was so worried about what I ate and how I looked, that I never felt comfortable. Then and into high school, I found that I was constantly unhappy with how my physical features were. I critiqued everything about myself, from my body to my type of hair to my eyes and face. And I've matured through this and learned to accept myself more. But one thing that always persisted and still does is a single question: would anyone else love me that way?
I've never been in a relationship, never had romantic experience, never even really dated anyone. Coming into college, I didn't understand how uncommon that was. Most of my friends have either dated someone or been in more of a relationship with someone, and I felt like I was on the outside, because I hadn't. I used to think it was just because no guy found me pretty, but then I realized that there was more to it.
It's not that I haven't wanted to. It's not because of my personality or my looks or really other external factor. I've realized is that it's because God is making me wait.
There have been multiple times where I could've made a relationship happen with someone I really liked, but in hindsight, I understand that it was all about timing. There were times when I had potentially the right guy but not the confidence, and there were times when I had the confidence but not the right person.
This is one thing I know I've struggled with in how I see myself. I constantly thought that I would just be alone for life, with no one to share it with. I thought that waiting meant waiting for my life to feel complete. I thought that waiting meant waiting to feel whole. But that's not the case.
God will put someone in your life, someone that is truly meant to be there if together you are greater than you are separate. I've realized that I don't need a significant other to feel whole because I already am.
I am whole because I am independent. I am whole because I am kind. I am whole because I am strong, smart, diligent, insightful, and hardworking. And I am the way I am because of God.
So, feeling insecure about being single or feeling like you're alone is truly nothing to worry about, because it doesn't change your identity. You are who you are because of your own independent will. And when you wait, you're really waiting for someone who's going to enhance your wholeness.
Because good things come to those who wait for it.
