I don't know about you, but more often that not I have expected more "magical moments" in my life than I have actually ever gotten. I always thought I would end up better or do better or try more, but I never really did any of those things after all. I kinda always wanted to go through some insane, charismatic transformation where I was more motivated and shocked the world (unrealistic, I know) but that hasn't happened yet either. I often tell myself after a forgetful moment or situation that I am just "one big mess" and there's no hope for me. So, while I sit around and hope that my life will end up in some pivotal, decent, motivational, charismatic moment where I have absolutely everything together, I can tell you that it hasn't happened . . . and it probably won't . . . and that is okay!
But.. MAN, let me tell you, I have tried to pretend that it has. Pretending that I have it all together is a lot more exhausting than actually having it together. If I'm honest, it's like metaphorically punching a hole in a wall and then buying the smallest picture frame to cover it and saying "it's not as noticeable as before" or even putting a bandaid on a broken leg. Actually, walking around like I had it together really just made me wanting it together more of a drag, but alas, I didn't think anyone would notice if I just kept hanging my frame and kept opening new bandaids.
But during that moment in time between me thinking I could pretend to have it together and everyone else (in my mind) having it together - I realized the real freedom in being "one big mess." There is so much freedom in being genuine, being sad, being able to feel, and just being not okay.
To set the record straight, being messy does not mean you are entitled only to failure. We all have purpose and we are all trying to find where our characteristics fit inside this huge, critical world. It's not an easy process and it's OKAY to not have it together. Second, just because you are messy doesn't mean you are "too messy" to be loved. You were made with a purpose and you were stitched together by someone who has it all together. Being messy is beautiful - it's exciting, it's empowering. It's so special to be out in the whack, because it is real, raw, and relatable.
You don't have to have it all together and you shouldn't be led to think that you should have it all together. That's just insane. So, while you're trying to hang the frame over the hole punched in the wall and trying to put a bandaid on your two broken legs, take a step back and make the messy count. Be genuine. Be true. Be selfish and messy. Most importantly, remember that even though everyone around you may look like they have it all together, they DON'T, and neither do you! Trust me, just embrace it.
"So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are), but that's not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren't constantly berating yourself for being sad." - John Green