Trying to live a normal life when you're not normal, supposedly.
Life has its obstacles and living with a mental disability is the most challenging obstacle ever. I was diagnosed with obsession compulsive disorder (OCD) and post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) when I was a young girl. I've never told anyone about it. I have informed my employers of my ocd disorder but have never told anyone about my ptsd. Atleast not until this article and when it gets published. Now everyone in my life will know. I told my employer because I couldn't hide it. I'm always cleaning, organizing, and being in control of everything. It's who I am. I used to think it was normal. Growing up with my parents they were both super clean people so to me it was normal to clean everything, literally everything in the house.
I covered up my ocd and ptsd by staying super busy. I've always worked two jobs and went to school. What trauma and disaster in my life has built up staying active and working out has kept me from having a mental break down until recently. A few years ago I sustained a work injury that has changed my life in so many ways. I believe there were other deep seeded things that were at bay, but getting injured at work must have been the first trigger. Keeping my personal life on the down low was hard because I'm an open book. I don't do well with keeping secrets. Keeping my secret was very important because of the American stigma. I didn't want to be seen differently or judged. Living with ocd is not easy at all. It causes all kinds of emotions and changes and I was trying to control it all. Depression set in, sleepless nights, the crying, my brain wouldn't calm down. The endless struggle to keep everything clean, organizeing, and everything all in detailed order.
My family are the only ones who know my deep dark secrets. They are my rock whom have always embraced me and loved me without judgment. My mom, sisters Ingrid and Esther.
My sisters who have always made fun of me but out of love. Especially because they knew where ever I was my Lysol can could be found. My cousins Raul, Jessica, Henna and Jesse, my besties Alicia, Samantha and Neomia and to a few others who had a huge positive affect in my life. Life with me is definitely not an easy life stlye. I'm complicated in all that I do, it's the perfectionism. Being ocd drives perfectionism in my head and that is all me. I want everything perfect, everything and I really can't help it.
People who don't have knowledge and education about ocd tend to live by the American stigma. They tend to judge, stare, gossip, and talk negative. Which has become very annoying and hurtful to me, but I've learned to ignore and laugh off the ignorance of people. Who really is living a normal American life? No one, everyone has a crazy in them. Some may hide it very well, while others can moderate it and others whom just can't control it.
I finally had to seek professional help. That came directly from my primary doctor, so I made a deal with her. I told her I promise and I looked for a therapist. I've been in therapy working on how to live a normal life with ocd. I talked with my doctor and he suggested taking medication to help control my ocd. I told him I had to think about it. At our next visit my doctor and I talked about the medicine and I told him that I am willing to try it but only if its going to help me get better. My doctor reassured me that it will help me get better so I agreed. My doctor wrote the prescription and I went and fill it, started taking it and I have to say it has been working. One day at a time finding and learning how to control and live with my ocd and not letting it control me. Cheers to my future and healing.
