There are a few fine lines we flirt with every day. The line between maturity and fake niceties, the line between being blunt and being rude, and the line between what is right and what is socially expected. So when did we as a society favor the faking nice, the accepting what we know to be lies, and wanting to avoid confrontation so ardently that we let people do bad things?

If you knew someone who had a long term partner, let's say of 5+ years, however, they go to school in different states, and just out of the realm of regular visitation. So while you would assume that this person misses their partner, you would naturally be shocked when you discovered they had cheated on their partner over the weekend. You then come to find out this was not a one-time occurrence but they involve themselves in multiple relationships while away from their partner. And NOBODY tells that person that what they are doing is wrong. I understand the "Not my circus not my monkeys" mentality, but how do you as that person's friend let them tell you their partner has been looking at rings? Why is our reluctance to endure confrontation making us into worse people?

There is a "blunt friend" in every group. I am the blunt friend. It's a title I wear proudly because it means I'm honest, I call people on their lies, and I don't accept poor behavior from my friends. I'm not talking the judgey friend (the one who judges you on your boyfriend, or your nightly antics), I'm talking the friend who looks you in the eye and tells you that dating two people and lying to them both is wrong. You want to date two people? Fine by me, date 6 for all I care, but don't lie to people.

I knew someone who claimed to be in school for MONTHS, and whenever someone asked them about their classes they would give vague answers, and gave varying times when they were supposedly in class, and couldn't keep straight what classes they told people they were taking. Eventually, people in their friend group caught on and would exchange looks and whispers whenever they would bring up school. But why? Why wouldn't someone confront them? Or one step further ask why they felt like they had to lie to them? Instead, everyone just talked badly about them and never took steps to fix the problem. Why are people content in letting their friends lie, and then rather than trying to help them, or understand why there is such a reluctance to tell the truth they say mean things about them.

I would be lying if I were to say I haven't lost friends and been excluded from things because I refused to pretend I was okay with someone who had lied to me or wronged me in some way. And I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt my feelings. It hurt that my friends picked the path of least resistance over what was right because what was right was uncomfortable. My dad told me I needed to pick better friends, but then I realized that the majority of people my age would rather witness something that was wrong and do nothing because it "isn't their business".

We pick our friends on similar interests, a bond, characteristics that go well together, but usually, we pick them in the hopes that they would do right by you. And while everyone laughs and tags me in the "blunt friend" posts and memes, it's hard being the one everyone expects to say something. I am all too familiar with the "are you gonna say something to so and so" texts. And for awhile I was okay with it. But then i realized something. Being the blunt friend eventually makes you the gladiator. You're expected to suit up and go to battle with someone while everyone else looks on.

After awhile I realized who my true friends were, and I realized that they didn't use me to fight their battles, they fought battles for me, just as often as I fought battles for them. They demand the best of me, the truth from me, and they push me to go for what is best for me, not do what is easy. We are a squad comprised of "blunt friends".

I understand not wanting to be involved with confrontation (not really but i know that people don't like it), but I don't understand how you could allow your friends to become bad people. And while it may start small, like with a lie or a drunken mistake, eventually if we allow our friends to think lacking morality is okay, they will become worse people.

So if your friend is drunk at a party spewing of vitriol about someone with whom they share multiple mutual friends, stop them. And if they couldn't be stopped from the hating, then remind them how vocal they were about that person before they comment something positive on their social media. Because people who heard them while they were spewing toxic comments are the same people who are going to screenshot that Instagram and talk about your friend can't be trusted. Your job isn't to parent your friends, but it's to remind them that their actions have consequences. They can't puke drama everywhere and then shrug it off when someone steps in their mess. Don't let being "the blunt friend" turn you into the drama janitor.

Spoiler Alert: the examples I have written about are people I know personally. If they bear any resemblance to someone you know, that would be because it probably is.