“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt originally spoke those words, and I’ve had them repeated to me by my mom, by teachers, by good friends. They still ring just as true as the first time I heard them.
The idea makes sense. I can’t be happy if I’m constantly looking at what others are doing and what others have and not choosing to let myself see the blessings in my own life.
The theory is simple. In practice, I have a bit more difficulty.
In practice, there always seems to be somebody doing the same things I’m doing, only better. At work, in class, in life – you name it, somebody seems to be doing it better than I can.
On some level, that’s just a fact. No matter what I’m doing, there’s always going to be somebody doing it better (and also somebody doing it worse). There isn’t a problem with me objectively recognizing that.
The problem begins when I can’t look away from everyone around me seemingly being able to accomplish so much.
The problem continues when I am constantly holding up my actions and my accomplishments next to everyone else’s and giving myself the label “not good enough.”
The problem worsens still when I can’t be happy for the accomplishments of those around me because instead of choosing to rejoice with them, I’m still just selfishly letting their lives and remind me of everything I haven’t done.
The thing is, in real life, happiness doesn’t grow out of money earned, goals met or achievements made. And while I’m standing on one side of the line comparing myself to everyone else, other people are standing on their side of the line doing the same thing (if they’re anything like me). Comparison keeps us from loving each other because it doesn’t let us stop thinking about ourselves long enough to care about anyone else.
When I compare myself to others, I often let comparison keep me from living well, because everything I do becomes a secret mental competition with others to see if I can measure up, maybe, this time. And when I inevitably don’t meet my own invisible mental comparison standards, I lose the opportunity to find joy in my own life and in my own accomplishments. Even more than that, I lose the opportunity to be happy for my friends!
As I look ahead to graduation from college, as I look ahead to whatever the future holds, it becomes clearer that my peers and I are moving in different directions. It’s not a question of right and wrong, good and evil – different people make different choices. As we get older, I think sometimes it becomes easier, and more harmful, to compare our life choices with the choices of others.
So as I start my senior year I want to be constantly reminding myself that if I want to live life well, if I want to love my neighbor as myself, if I want to have any joy, I’ve got to stop comparing. I don’t want to let comparison steal my joy.
