Almost everyone knows what a “Basic White Girl” is, and they are constantly looked down upon. I, a homosexual cis-gender male, identify with these attributes that are consistently paired with “white girls.” Here’s my list of nine reasons I LOVE being a white girl, and why you should embrace the things you love instead of being ashamed of them.
1. I drink Pumpkin Spice by the gallons
I order so much pumpkin spice it isn’t even funny. The café was out of pumpkin spice flavoring for nearly a week. I was legitimately afraid I would need an IV drop ASAP (read that as “a-sap”). The first thing the person who made my coffee today said to me was “We have pumpkin spice flavoring.” I died and was resurrected. I’m pretty sure I have consumed so much pumpkin spice lattes that my blood now has a fall scent to it.
2. My Uggs Are Literally My Life
From October 1st through May 1st, my Uggs stay on my feet all the time. I never take them off. Not only are they stylish, but they are COMFY AF. Why would you ever want to take them off? The caramel brown color goes perfectly with all you fall, winter, and spring styles. I wear them to class, to activities, when I’m sleeping, even when I shower. I. LOVE. MY. UGGS.
3. My Instagram is ON FLEEK (Follow me @TylerJon7)
I have my Instagram down to a science. I know the peak time to post on every day, which is Wednesday at five pm is the most popular in case you were wondering. I know the perfect hashtags to use to get the most likes, I use #gay and #instagay, but you can use #photography and #model. I have an app that tracks how many likes each of my photos gets, and how many follows I have (yes, I did pay for it. Yes, it’s worth it). I also have two separate apps for editing my photos and finding the right filters (yes, I also paid for those apps).
4. The Male Equivalent of Leggings
Black skinny jeans are all my legs have ever seen since 1997. Aside from a night when I decide to cut loose and wear dark wash skinny jeans. These things are slimming, they look amazing, they go well with my Uggs, and they show off my butt.
5. My favorite season is the leaf/fall thingy
The smell in the air; the smell of leaves and things slowly dying. If I could make a candle that was called “leaves” I would. Jk I already have that candle, and it’s from Bath and Body Works. They just got a promo from me, and I didn’t even have to include them in this list. Haunted houses, apple picking, and of course, the weather which brings me to…
6. Sweaters are better than boyfriends
Everyone knows that skit with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph is constantly saying “sweater weather” in that funny accent. I feel like that is constantly me as a person in general. I have exactly 46 sweaters (yes, I counted), and I have no shame. Didn’t shower? Sweater. Freezing? Sweater. Want to be comfy but cute? Sweater. Want to be stylish and chic? Sweater. You have no friends. Sweater. You’re going through your quarter-life crisis because you’re overwhelmed with everything going on in your life. Overwhelmed with things like homework and everything you’ve signed up for like writing articles every week for your college. Sweater. Instead of doing something productive you end up going to McDonald’s and watching the newest episode of your favorite TV show even though it’s 1:30 am? Sweater.
7. I know android is better, but I signed a customer loyalty contract with Apple for the iPhone-
Realistically, I know there are better phones out there, for example, ones that have an audio jack (@apple). However, I have been forever indebted to the iPhone ever since I first received one four years ago for my 16th birthday. That phone will forever stay in my heart, audio jack or no audio jack. (Jk I’m getting another 6S until Apple decides to put the jack back in for the iPhone 8)
8. I put "Can Quote Mean Girls" on my Resume
I know this movie like the back of my hand, and I worship it like some people worship the Bible. Yes, I do call things “fetch.” I, in fact, do use the quotes for captions for my Instagram photos (follow me @TylerJon7), and I can whip out the monolog where Regina is talking about Janis Ian at just about any time of the day. I used that monolog for an audition once; that’s how much I love this movie.
9. I will give up my firstborn child for Pumpkin Spice
Ok, I’m not sure if I’ve made this clear, but I LOVE PUMPKIN SPICE. I spend so much money on lattes; it’s not even funny. It’s not only that, though. My love started at a young age when small me discovered the pumpkin spice cookie. You read that right. PUMPKIN. SPICE. COOKIE. These things are a blessing from God and are debatably better than the entirety of 2016 (RIP Harambe).
If you’re like me, and like many of these same things that I do (because they’re all very likable things), embrace it! Wear your Uggs in June! Drink Pumpkin Spice in February! Take all the selfies because you look super cute!!! But don’t let anyone tell you that the things you love aren’t valid, and embrace your white-girl-ness proudly.
