Unless you’ve been in a pontoon the last year and a half, you’ve known about Bruce Jenner’s sex change back in May of 2015. The hero at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal is now celebrated as a heroine in a different way today. This was seen as courageous by many, as evidenced by the Arthur Ashe Courage Award she became the recipient of at that year’s ESPYs just a few months later. However, some saw Caitlyn Jenner’s stunt as just that, a publicity stunt. Many cynical people saw her getting a sex change as a way to get attention; her association with the Kardashians didn't help her cause at all. The cause that she may have coincidentally helped was getting the SCOTUS to rule unequivocally in favor of same-sex marriage. Whatever your perception of Caitlyn Jenner, you can’t judge what she was truly feeling.
For all intents and purposes, she identifies herself as ‘asexual.’
The Caitlyn Jenner introduction coincides with something that I have had personal, internal struggles with my entire adolescent life, and somewhat into my young adult life: Do I really feel comfortable with being a guy?
As a feminist, I know most of what will follow will seem contradictory, but hear me out.
Through my early years, between 1st-3rd grade, I was chasing girls throughout the playground during recess. The prevailing thought among many was that I was harassing them, when, in all reality, I wanted to be friends. That was a stigma that followed me all through my elementary school years up until around 6th grade when I defended a group of girls from a creepy guy during recess. Even then, the stigma was a loud voice in my head telling me that I should only talk to guys, to stick with my ‘group’, and that the only reason I should ever talk with girls is to date them. I kept trying to reassure myself that what I was doing was okay, that talking to the opposite sex is okay, despite society’s ‘rules,’ but through junior high and high school, that loud voice in my head would psyche me out to think what I was doing was wrong, wasn’t normal, and that I was a weirdo.
Granted, I do like some ‘guy’ stuff like Sports and Howard Stern, but that’s not what should overall define me. I have more of a ‘girl’s’ personality than a ‘guy’s’ personality. Guys are seen by society’s standards as ‘aggressive, macho, misogynistic, careless, dominant pigs’ who ‘only want sex, food, sports, and a beer.’ That could be applicable to some (ahem, Donald Trump). Whereas girls are seen by the same standards as ‘passive, effeminate, emotional, sensitive people’ who ‘only want to talk about feelings.’
Personality-wise, I lead with a quiet confidence that what I do is the right thing, regardless of opinion. Where I fall in the passive-aggressive category is truly contingent on context; If somebody is hurting somebody that I love and care about, then, yes, I will be aggressive. However, if I find myself in an argument about something completely trivial, then I will passively concede because I value relationships more than I do my own ego and pride. As for being either misogynistic or misandric, I firmly am neither. I’m only comfortable talking about my own feelings when the time is right, and I am with people I feel comfortable talking to them about. And I feel more comfortable talking to, and being friends with, girls more than I do guys. It’s just the way I am. You can’t paint me with a broad brush just because I was born with something I could not control.
