"In the middle of the month you will have a conflict with a family member or friend. Don't miss out on an opportunity for a social event later in the month, you could meet a new love interest!"

What was that? It was my half ass attempt at the annoying horoscopes I have seen for years in magazines, Facebook posts, and the like. Sure most people know they aren't true, but there are the few out there that follow along with them, and maybe even take them seriously. It really isn't worth getting that annoyed over, but I am easily agitated about pointless things like this (not to say I don't get agitated about things that actually matter, too).

Every time I scroll through the Cosmo snap chat story and see one of the horoscope articles I get a little annoyed and die a little inside (especially when they were doing that "weekly horoscope and spirit Kylie Jenner" picture) because it takes the place of something else more interesting or informative. Cosmo's articles about real world issues (stalking, sexual harassment, etc.) and weird body things (creepy uterus article) are what the people want! Am I right?

Horoscopes rely on a few key things to seem like you can relate to them as do the descriptions of your sign. Those "Can't get nothing by my squad *100 emoji*" with the list of zodiac signs things also do an adequate job of pissing me off by using the same tools. They make literally every description so vague that it applies to everyone! This is a phenomenon called the Forer Effect in case you were wondering. Not to mention we have all gone our whole lives supposedly being one sign and recently they have decided to add another and change everything up? What? I've been a Cancer my whole life and now I'm suddenly a Gemini? Does this mean I've been reading the wrong section in magazines for years and that's why I didn't make a new friend at the social gathering in seventh grade like my horoscope said I would? My life is officially a lie --thanks, astrology.

Then there's this business about your horoscope being controlled by the stars or some planet or some crap like that. First of all, what if the star that's supposed to control my life burns out and dies, then what? How does a planet I don't live on or have never even visited going to control whether or not my BFF and I are going to have a huge fight in the second week of September? Here's a hint, it won't!

We seriously need to leave this astrology stuff in the 90's and come up with some better useless entertainment to fill blank pages in magazines. Everyone loves a good "Which character from Scandal are you?" quiz.