October 31, is slowly creeping up on us and that means having random people pop out of nowhere to scare me and seeing people on campus walk around in terrible costumes. I can't wait. As I got older, the idea of Halloween seemed to sound so dumb to me. Honestly, the only part that I love about Halloween is the day after when all the candy goes on sale. That should be the day we celebrate as a holiday!
Our entire existence as children was centered around the fact that "we should never take candy from a stranger" but I guess everyone collectively decided that one day of the year, they should just throw that law they've drilled into our minds, right out the window.
I guess Halloween is the one time of the year where little children can lose their shit just because they see a bowl of candy sitting on the porch of some random house. Because I've always wanted to get a king sized Reese's from the old guy next door that only comes out of his house to get the newspaper. Thanks parents, A plus parenting.
Costumes are notoriously terrible during Halloween. You either have the people who go all out on their costume or you have the people who walk into Party City the day before Halloween to find one. One year for Halloween, I put on an oversized white coat and called myself a doctor; I was 10 and really wanted candy, how can you blame me? For girls, some Halloween costumes are so extreme, I wonder what went through people's mind when they thought that it would be a good idea for people to actually wear something like this:
First of all, calling bacon sexy is like calling water wet. Everybody knows bacon is God's gift to mankind, even pigs understand it. What I don't understand, is why you would ever create a Halloween costume based off bacon or why any self respecting woman would want to tell her friends that she was "a sexy bacon for Halloween." I feel like vegetarians/vegans would definitely lose their shit over this costume, kind of like when a kid sees candy, but not as happy.
Halloween food can either be really creative and cool or just plain disgusting. Don't you dare tell me that looking at "Zombie Brain Jello Shots" makes you hungry. When I eat my food, I would like it to look like food, I'm in no mood to feel like Jeffrey Dahmer (too soon?).
If you served these at a Halloween party, I would be so disappointed, although I would have to commend you on your savvy Pinterest skills. Moral of the story: if you're serving jello shots, just serve them. Odds are people will be too drunk to notice how much unnecessary time you spent making them look 'ghoulish' anyways.
Usually, I like Halloween decorations. If you've got fake blood, spray that crap all over your house. If you carved a scary face into a fat pumpkin you bought at the store, put that fat pumpkin on your doorstep, you've earned it. But, if you decide that you should buy well over 10 fat pumpkins from the store and put them on your lawn (see picture below) you're just bat shit crazy in my eyes.
Your house doesn't need to be seen from outer space nor do you need to ward off any evil spirits. You're fine with just a few pumpkins on your doorstep and a nice little sign that says, "Boo!" Not to mention that looks like one hell of a fire hazard.
I do realize that Halloween is more of a child's holiday than anything else but there are some people who are too obsessed with it. Just the other day, I heard a middle aged man talking about how his favorite holiday was Halloween and I became genuinely concerned. Concerned for my safety or his, I don't know, but nonetheless, I was concerned. However, in the spirit of Halloween and me not looking like a terrible human being who hates anything that is fun, I decided to include a picture of me circa 1996 at a Halloween party dressed up as the Banana in Pajamas. If you don't know what that show was, I am now genuinely concerned for you.
Enjoy and Happy Halloween, just don't get crazy!
