Alright, I'll admit that the title of this article might be a little dramatic, but hear me out, OK? I'm just going to come clean and say this: I hate GroupMe. I always have and I always will. It's the worst app I've ever downloaded and I'm in way too deep to ever be able to delete it. If you're reading this and are one of the abundance of people who absolutely love GroupMe, then I'm sorry. But I've made a list of reasons why this app needs to be banned ASAP as a way to try and defend myself.
1. People make a GroupMe for everything.
Every time there's an event, no matter how small, people make a GroupMe. There's one for where we're getting ready for the party, one for the pregame and then one for people actually going to the party. Please stop; I can't keep up.
I wouldn't even be surprised if I got put into a GroupMe about how much I hate GroupMe. It 'd be called #GroupMeHaterz and the description would be: "A group for people who hate GroupMe. Let's discuss."
2. Always feeling out of the loop.
I wake up every morning and spend about five minutes scrolling through the messages from all the different GroupMes I'm in. And even though I've muted a ton of them, I am taunted by that stupid little blue circle next to the group name that says I've missed over 20 messages. If it's a group with my friends, I don't want to miss out on any plans they may have made without me. So of course I check anyway. Foiled again!
3. Goodbye data and battery life.
When I first joined my sorority and all the new members were put into a GroupMe, I thought it was the best idea ever. "Perfect! I can get to know everyone's names and we can all make plans!" And it worked. I felt like I knew everyone in just a week. But going into my hour-long class with 80 percent battery and leaving with 40 percent was getting to be really ridiculous. And when the WiFi didn't work, I was losing so much data. I wanted to stay connected with everyone, but felt like I was sacrificing a lot to do so.
4. Feeling left out for no reason.
Whenever you join any sort of organization, cliques are bound to form. It's only natural, and as that old saying goes, "You can't be friends with everyone." Which is fine. I totally get that. But I draw the line when people start being purposefully excluded. GroupMe and iPhone group chats make excluding people so easy and secretive, which can make it feel like you're doing nothing wrong.
"Oh, she'll never know we're leaving her out because we'll only make plans in our GroupMe." But what happens when this girl finds out you've been talking about her for weeks behind her back? Not cool.
5. Being in way too deep to delete this stupid app.
I'll admit that I thought GroupMe was super fun for like 10 seconds after I downloaded it. I was put into groups with my friends, classmates and literally everyone else I knew. I've been in GroupMes with people for years now, so it's not like I can just delete the app and expect people to text me whenever last minute plans are made. GroupMe is just too god damn convenient. You can make events that people RSVP to, and there are super funny GIFs and ways to personalize your group (my friends and I change our group description and picture almost every day).
That's how they get you, though. The diabolically smart developers at GroupMe don't want you to start groups anywhere else, and I have to give them props for that.
I'm onto you, GroupMe. I've been suspicious since day one. I feel like one of those crazy paranoid people who don't think the moon landing really happened. But GroupMe is real and it's taking over. Don't say I didn't warn you.
