I don’t really know why I get attached to certain people so fast. Trust me if I could change anything about myself, it would be that. It’s like as soon as someone starts to show they care I latch on and it’s a pain to let go of. I tried to blame my mom for this awful curse but when she asked why I had no real clue why so I had to point the blame back at myself.

See anytime I get attached to someone they show me why I shouldn’t. They show me why I was so hesitant to let them in the first place. But the problem is, I never stop myself from getting attached. I would look at myself in the mirror tears rolling down my face and say “I will not get attached anymore” yet next thing you know, I’m getting attached and then getting hurt. It’s a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle I cannot break.

This inconvenient ability to get too attached too fast has caused me to do the only thing I think is logical but in reality is far from it. Block out all feelings. And say some feelings sneak through... no problem I’ll just try and ruin it before it gets anywhere real. This has caused for many awkward encounters of people I’ve had to just cut out of my life in fear I’ll end up hurt.

I mean I guess in the process of cutting everyone out I’ve probably cut out some really awesome people. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t know.

I say I don’t know why I get attached so fast or so much but to be honest I think I do know why. And it does have something to do with my mom, with both my parents actually. They have never not shown me love, that’s all I know, love. So I blame me getting attached on the fact I have so much love to give. It still sucks though… and it always will, until I find the right person to get attached to.

Until then, I’ll continue my vicious cycle of attachment…