“Forgive them. Even if they are not sorry.”
These are the eight words that changed my life. I first saw them drawn on a friend’s body when the Dear World campaign came to JMU. These eight words created a revolution in my soul and sparked a totally new way of addressing my life’s greatest disappointments.
When the people who mean the most to us turn from us or fall short of our expectations, it hurts. A sense of betrayal casts a shadow over our hearts and we often begin to turn from them. We view these people in an antagonistic light, and often begin to see them as “bad people”. Their mistakes disappoint and hurt us, and can create in us a hateful heart and mind. But I have learned that this doesn’t have to be true.
I have been disappointed by a long list of people in my life. Throughout my whole life, people have told me “no” and gone against the love I had given them. People have hurt me both intentionally and unintentionally, some of them never knowing the pain they had caused. I think I’ve made it clear by now that people have disappointed me- but in no way has my life been disappointing.
The truth is, throughout life, people are going to hurt you - even the people you love the most. Nobody’s perfect. Everyone is human. We are all flawed by nature, and capable of making decisions that don’t always have the best outcomes. Everyone has hurt another person, just as everyone has been hurt themselves. Pain is inevitable- and you can’t run from it. The only thing you can do is try to be understanding of the other person, and forgive them.
As I said before, we’re all human. We all have complex inner workings that puzzle us every day. We all have pain and we all have our own way of solving the complex issues life presents us with. I believe that this is the piece to the puzzle of forgiveness: understanding. Maybe your mom snapped at you on the phone because she had an awful day at work and doesn't want to show you how much it has affected her. Maybe your friend hasn’t called you lately because he is anxious and doesn’t want to feel like a burden to you. The point is, you don’t know what others have going on in their lives. And while this reasoning does not excuse the behavior they may exhibit, it provides insight, understanding, and can eventually allow us to forgive.
In order to truly heal and move on from the pain, we need to forgive the people who have hurt us, even if they aren’t sorry. We must understand that they are complex beings with struggles and weaknesses, just like us. Antagonizing them and pushing them away just causes more hurt, and creates a hateful heart in us, and who wants that? Set them free from the blame, and in time, you will set yourself free from the hurt.
