Of the plethora of issues plaguing this generation, I honestly think that this may be the most dangerous one. I have quite literally lost sleep trying to rationalize this mindset, and as hard as I try, I really just cannot wrap my brain around why we think that this whole concept of the hookup culture is okay. It seems so fun and carefree and I get that, but the reality here is that more often than not, living this way is causing a lot more problems for our generation than it’s worth. And even though it’s taken me a couple of years to realize, I’m truly sick of it.

Now let me make something very clear here: I am by no means above any of this. When I first got to college, I wanted to be part of it. I’d spent an entire summer completely heartbroken from a breakup that involved cheating, so there was absolutely nothing I wanted more than to hook up with new people, and believe me when I say that I fully embraced it. At the time it felt like the right thing to do. It distracted me from all the pain I was feeling, made me feel more wanted than I ever did when I was in a serious relationship, and if I started to feel like one guy was getting too attached, it was easy for me to pull away, because I had a minimum of three other guys texting me every single night asking to hang out. Getting all that attention was rewarding, and it felt good to know that I was in control of my emotions simply because I didn’t allow myself to have any. I convinced myself that having random, meaningless hookups was the right way to live, and I felt so powerful knowing that if something didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, I could have a new guy begging for my attention within seconds of stepping into a party on Friday night. Now you might be reading this and thinking, “Well that certainly doesn’t sound like a bad life at all, what’s the big deal?” Or maybe you’ve just been involved in the hookup culture for a while, and you’re thoroughly enjoying yourself and wondering why I’m sitting here bitching about it on the Internet. So before you dismiss everything that I’m saying, give me a few more minutes and let me explain myself.

I was a part of this world for a long time, and I slept in a lot of different beds before I finally figured out just how fucked up the whole mentality really is. We think that being able to have sex with anyone we want with no strings attached is the mature thing to do. We think that showing any kind of emotion means that we’re weak, so we pretend to be cold and heartless until that moment when we actually do start feeling something, and then instead of being honest with ourselves (and each other) about those feelings, we choose to run away from them as fast as we can. And for those of us who are actually in relationships, we actually think that it’s a completely normal thing to cheat on our girlfriends or boyfriends. It’s gotten to the point where I’m very skeptical of everyone that gets into a relationship around me because I literally expect for that relationship to be ruined by cheating almost before it even starts, as horrible as it sounds. And the saddest part is that I’m usually correct. As much as some people try to say they do, the truth is that almost no one in this generation understands a single thing about loyalty or honesty. And what’s so twisted is that we’re perfectly happy being ignorant, as long as we still have that one person we can call at 2 AM when we’re drunk and horny or need a ride home from the bar where we just spent the entire night trying to get a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON to come home with us. I mean really, am I the only one that sees a problem with this pattern? What are we getting out of this? What kind of lesson is this supposed to be teaching us?

Before I wrap this up, I have a little story to tell you. About six months ago, I met someone kind of unexpectedly. Even more unexpectedly, we actually ended up agreeing to stop sleeping around and only hook up with each other (weird, right?). I kept it real with him the whole time, I cut off everyone else I’d been talking to and stayed loyal to him for months like he asked me to, even though we were never actually in a relationship. I had forgotten what it was like to work that hard to keep someone happy, but it felt like the right thing to do, and I never complained or asked for anything more than what he was willing to give me. Things were great, and I thought I had finally come across someone smart enough to see the lack of logic behind this whole mindset like I did. But of course (as I should have expected), he quite literally woke up one day and decided that he couldn’t be committed anymore, because there were just too many girls he hadn’t had a chance to get into bed with yet. And just like that, every conversation we’d ever had about maturity and loyalty suddenly meant absolutely nothing. It still disappoints me, and I still don’t know why I ever believed even for a second that he was going to be different.

The reason that our generation is never going to be happy is because we are constantly looking around for something new, even if we know it’s not going to be better than something we’ve already had. I’ve personally realized how utterly stupid this is, but 99% of the rest of this generation hasn’t. Like I said before, I’m not going to pretend like I’ve never participated in any of these behaviors. I was one of those girls that slept around a little too much and I truly did make myself believe for a while that I didn’t care about anyone or anything. It was fun for about two months, but I hated myself every single day after that. I tried so many times to change the pattern, but I was trapped in it. The whole concept of meaningless hookups is a vicious cycle that sucks you back in every time you try to break it, and it’s truly sad when you see someone work so hard to to try and get away from it, only to slip straight back in. I understand that on paper, it looks convenient for us to sleep with anyone we want and keep feelings out of the picture so we don’t have to risk getting hurt. Our generation is terrified of being alone, but we refuse to admit that we’re also terrified to let anyone get too close to us, so we’re trying to avoid both of those problems by living within the blurred lines of the hookup culture. And I’m sorry, but that’s something I just cannot bring myself to understand anymore. We are screwing ourselves over by letting ourselves believe that it’s okay to not care. And if we’re not careful, every single one of us is going to end up alone, because we consciously refused to care for so long that we actually forgot how to. Commitment isn’t what’s making us weak, but fear is, and the sooner we start to understand that, the better off we are.