No, not the grocery store when you went overly hungry…again. And not the kiosk at the mall where the man that smells like underachievement sold you that eye shadow you just couldn’t live without. I’m talking about that jerk with a capital D-bag, your ex. (Please pause for flashbacks of your past tragic relationship.)
What did he do? Lie? Cheat? Assault? All three? You may think you’re to blame. You may think he is. But either way, you’re missing the point. And so is, might I add, everyone else that has heard your tired, crying stories. Everyone’s favorite question, “Why didn’t you leave?” is hard for most people to answer. So, if you all want to know so badly, here’s the truth…
WHY YOU DIDN’T LEAVE THE LIAR.
Ahhh, the liar. We all do it. To our friends, our teachers, our parents and most of all, to ourselves. So what makes him SO awful for lying? Well, he’s awful for lying because we are all awful for lying. You feel personally victimized by the lies your loved one tells you. However, you are no Honest Abe either. You stay because you are guilty of the same crime yourself. It’s hard to point fingers at someone when you feel like you’re looking in a mirror. Find your favorite shade of lipstick and mix some integrity in it. Be better. Do better. Don’t lie.
WHY YOU DIDN’T LEAVE THE CHEATER.
Who is worse? The person who cheats, or the person who doesn’t leave after being cheated on? Trick question: Both. You both have an equal amount of suck-age for reasons of your own. Cheater, you are immature, selfish and disrespectful, but you already knew that. Plain and simple, don’t go to the girlfriend store if you plan on returning her because we both know you can’t keep a receipt to save your life. Cheat-ee, one word; Respect. Learn it. Live it. Google it, write down the Webster’s Dictionary definition and remind yourself of it every day. Straighten your once damaged backbone and keep moving forward because this too shall pass.
Back to the point…you didn’t leave for a reason. Here it is, just like any other double X chromosome, you like to feel wanted, cared for and overall adored. Most women are insecure when they do not have these wants met. Insecurity results in you blaming yourself for other people's mistakes. You start thinking, well if I wore his favorite color more or did my hair like how I did it in the beginning, or whatever excuses you can possibly think of…it's BS. Flat out. He was immature and wanted more. Wanna’ know who else wants more? Your two-year-old nephew who just had his first piece of cake even though he’s full from the first piece. Don’t date a toddler. Find somebody who likes you just as much as Andy Grammar likes his non-existent girlfriend (No, no honey I’m good). You are enough and more than enough; do not waste your time on people who don’t see that.
WHY YOU DIDN’T LEAVE THE ABUSER.
This section is not to be taken lightly. No grain of salt, no lime to go with it. Domestic Violence is serious. I do not wish to bore you with the legalities or pull on your heartstrings explaining the trauma of it. That is exhausting and quite frankly could take years to just put it into nutshell. The reasons you stayed will never ever suffice what that low life, air-sucking creature did. But none-the-less there was a reason. Maybe you were afraid to leave because he had the power to potentially see you out every weekend while doing that flirty dance move on the bar, or maybe it’s something else. The something else is that you fall into a cycle, a nasty predictable pattern that you’re too blinded by what you think is “love” to realize. But love shouldn’t hurt. No, he is no longer the guy who stalked your Facebook to let you know he noticed you. He is no longer he guy who tickled your back to sleep after a no good really bad day. And he is no longer the guy who once looked at you like you as fragile and beautiful, like he would never ever fathom hurting you. He would. You may think that his immediate gifts filled with remorse are a sign of change, but just because somebody does nice things does not make them a nice person. If he lays a finger on you, no amount of whining, crying, or gift giving is enough. He is a loser with issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So let a loser go.
Concluding this topic is a final thought for all of you. If you’re in a bad relationship, no this article is not going to make you leave, but it’s going to confirm that it will one day be over and you will move on. Maybe you’ll get angry and write a few books over it, make some money, whatever. But most importantly, the message for the people who ask the dreaded question over and over again, you’re welcome.
