As a college student, our campus tries to bring up consent a lot, and for good reason. At the beginning of the semester, we had multiple organized events about the idea of consent. I watched as both males and females became annoyed at the fact that we had to attend these things, but they are extremely necessary.
What I've realized as I've been here, and it is a sad truth, is that both girls and guys get put in uncomfortable situations all the time. Also, we need to stop assuming that girls are the only victims of this. The new thing that I've heard lately is the absence of a no does not mean yes. You need a yes. Some people roll their eyes when they hear this, but I wish people would think about this more. If you keep pushing and pushing someone, sometimes they're afraid what the word no will do, because they may get hurt.
Anyway, getting off the topic of consent with sex, lets talk about consent with everyday actions and conversations. While I wish everyone could pick up the hints that others give off, that is not always the case. This may be, once again, because I am on a college campus, but I feel as if this situation happens more than usual.
For the record, this is not simply about a guy hitting on a girl and she didn't think he was attractive so she was annoyed. This is about someone not taking no for an answer, and continuing to pursue, which makes people extremely uncomfortable.
So a guy walks into a room where a where three people are sitting on a couch, a guy and two girls. The guy who just walked in asked the guy sitting on the couch which one he was "hooking up with." That is so annoying but that is for another time. The guy answers, and the other guy realizes that his target is, in fact, single. He introduces himself to all of them, and immediately starts saying that he wants to take the girl out to dinner. He is a senior, and keeps bragging that he already has a job after college, could have gone D1 for college (well why didn't you then?), and starts talking about tattoos with her, and says "well if you have any you really want to show me, we can go back to my room."
This is where the conversation starts to get uncomfortable. Everything he said before this, although it was annoying, was technically in line. This comment, and how it was responded to, is the game changer.
The girl responded with "No, thanks," and just decided to ignore it. He continues to be extremely cocky and repeatedly tell her which room he lived in, his name, and how much he wanted to take her out. She said no thanks a few more times, told him he wasn't her type to get her off his back, an he just continued to be a try hard. He shook her hand for more times, getting uncomfortable closer each time, until he finally left.
This is not to say people are not allowed to "shoot their shot" and take a chance on a person. This is totally understandable. But after the first "no" that should be your clue to stop. We would all like it to be after the first hint, but that is not always what happens.
Some people may think I'm being overly sensitive about this whole situation, but this is not the first, and probably won't be the last time this happens. The reason I'm telling this story is:
1) It happened yesterday
2) This is not the normal touchy-feely situation
People need to realize that their words can also make people uncomfortable. Inviting me back to your room when I've already said no is not okay, saying you don't care about my type is not okay, and continuing to pursue me is not okay. The idea of consent needs to still be drilled into our brains because obviously it hasn't been been enough.
