“Hello. My name is Hope Evans, I am 18 years old, and I have never been in a relationship.”
This tends to stop people in their tracks, arising reactions that include, but are not limited to gasps, the furrowing of eyebrows, and blank stares.
“But you’re so pretty,” they may say.
“I’m sure you’re just not looking hard enough,” others may interject.
“You’ll find someone someday, just keep waiting.”
What my undoubtedly well-intentioned friends, family, and other acquaintances fail to realize upon hearing this, is that my being single is not involuntary; rather, it is and has been a decision that I have always consciously made. Although I am quite aware that this choice is both unpopular and befuddling to those my age, I wholeheartedly believe that remaining single throughout high school has better prepared me for a relationship than any amount of dating experience could have possibly done.
High school was a time of immense growth for me. At the risk of sounding incredibly cliché, when I think back to my freshman year, I realize how much I have since developed and changed. In fact, a majority of the growth I underwent happened in the latter portion of my secondary education, in the second half of my junior year and my senior year.
Those four awkward, exciting, wonderful years allowed me to find myself; they allowed me to discover who God created me to be and what I am passionate about. Because of these revelations, I am confident in who I am. I have grown to love myself in spite of my flaws, and I have discovered the reasons for which I was created.
These discoveries were necessary and essential contributions to the ways which I view and value myself. I cannot possibly imagine having dated someone without first thoroughly knowing who I am. A good relationship requires that you love and value yourself before committing yourself to another person; after all, how could you expect someone else to treat you with respect and love if you don’t even believe that you even deserve such treatment?
I could have dated someone in high school if I had truly wanted to; if my top priority had been simply to find someone to take me out to eat on the weekends, accompany me to school dances and take cute pictures with to post on social media, I’m quite sure I could have found someone willing to play the part. This type of relationship, however, would have been more harmful than beneficial to me, as I was not in a place in my life where I was truly ready to seriously commit myself to another human being.
Sure, I could have ignored this, as so many others do; however, there would have been inevitable consequences had I chosen to do so. I have seen the damaging effects that come with rushing into relationships through several of my friends and other peers; the costs that accompany this highly outweigh the benefits of being able to update your status from “single” to “in a relationship.”
It has not always been easy to remain single. Society places immense emphasis on being in relationships; so much so, that many people have begun tying their relationship status to their self-worth. I remember the pressures that high school brought to find a boyfriend. Around homecoming and prom, it seemed like I was the only one who wasn’t getting asked in some unexpected, overly elaborate way. I remember the dread of Valentine’s Day, when seemingly everyone in the hallways was carrying a bouquet of flowers or a teddy bear except for me. Looking back, though, I wouldn’t change a thing. Being single has allowed me time to truly grasp what characteristics a potential partner must have, and what a healthy relationship should look like- expectations that will serve me well in my future relationship(s).
Don’t misunderstand me, many people who date in high school are perfectly happy, and many even marry their high school sweethearts. Not dating during high school isn’t for everyone, but it is important to determine whether or not you are ready for a relationship before you enter into one- a question that many people, especially high school students, fail to think about before jumping into the world of dating.
So no, I have never been in a relationship; but by remaining single, I have discovered the importance of not allowing my happiness to be tied to a significant other. In my time as a single girl, I have found my value in Christ, and have learned to trust God’s plan for my life. Because I have chosen to entrust Him with the dating portion of my life, He has saved me from much unnecessary pain and wasted time. When God finally does reveal to me the person He wants me to be with, I know that it will be worth the wait.
