When I think of all the careers I was interested in throughout my life, the common theme was wanting to help people in any way possible. I've always wanted people to be happy and safe, and, to me, the way to ensure that was to take the initiative to help make it so. For much of my life, I wanted to be a medical doctor or a teacher and serve a more direct role in bettering people's lives. However, I noticed myself jumping from career path to career path, as I've always held a wide variety of interests and could never seem to be satisfied by pursuing just one.
Growing up, I often ignored my own needs, wanting only to please other people and constantly putting the feelings of others before my own, especially because I had a knack for giving advice and calming people down. I never stood up for myself and allowed people to treat me poorly for the sake of being liked. Eventually, being constantly put down or ignored by my friends took its toll on me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to be good enough at anything to gain the approval of others, and I kept giving everything I had but getting nothing in return. I was alone and felt that no one cared about me, and I felt that my problems didn't matter because nothing particularly bad had ever happened to me. All I wanted was to fit in and to be happy and to accomplish good things, but no matter what I did to remedy the situation, it still felt like I was failing, and the downward spiral continued. After three years of struggling to manage anxiety and depression on my own, I finally opened up and sought help from my friends and family.
Living with mental illness is a constant work in progress, a mix of good and bad days, days or weeks of stability followed by bad episodes that come out of nowhere. It's not easy, but it's a lot harder trying to do it without any help. People ask me why I waited so long to open up about my struggles, but the truth is that it's because I thought no one cared or would be willing to help. It was the feeling of being alone and isolated that was worse than anything else. I was getting ready to go away to college when I finally came to terms with my struggles, and those struggles are what pushed me into my major.
I spent my years in high school thinking that I was alone, and it made me so upset to know that so many people are suffering and being isolated or told that their problems don't matter. Finally, I knew how I wanted to help people, and that was by studying psychology and becoming both a therapist and an advocate against the stigmas on mental health. I wanted to be able to give people, especially teenagers, a space to open up and ask for help without being judged or dismissed. Studying psychology has given me a chance to better understand myself, and given me a path to take in order to fulfill my dreams of helping people in a meaningful way. Maybe it is an "easy" major, as well as a common one, and people constantly tell me that I'll never make a lot of money with my choice. Nevertheless, it's an important major for a variety of reasons, and I couldn't be any happier with my decision to pursue a career in the field and see what I can really do for others.
