I don’t believe anyone person can say that they have never cared what others think of themselves. Why? Because thats what I used to do, and that was simply lying to myself. Why? I’ll tell you why.
And to the perfectionists, I’d like to say that many of us tend to care more about what others think than perhaps we would like to. Maybe its not the perfectionist part, but the ‘people pleaser’ aspect. That part of us that hates to disappoint.
We care about what others think. I used to shield myself from this fact because I believed that having this mindset of caring what others thought was weak.
In business we care what others think. How we are perceived by others matter - it may be the difference between getting that job or internship and not. It may be the difference between progressing in a company, who we’re friends with, who we are accepted by. We associate looks with professionalism - for example, tattoos and pericings. Even if you love them (like myself), it doesn’t mean we are not subject to societal standards. Certain styles of makeup, hair, clothing, shoes - they all evoke a reaction and judgement from someone. We do it all the time.
Think about that, though. Why do we so often prioritize others’ views in comparison to ours?
Why do we sometimes care so much about what others think, to the extent (not really the extent, but more the general reality) of catering ourselves to society? To others? To our profession, our family, our friends?
Why are we often reluctant to be the first one to enter the classroom after the last one is let out? To say ‘hey!’ to that person walking down the hall? To raise our hands in a sea full of uncertain young adults to voice our answer, our opinion? Why don’t we smile more often? Why are we so often afraid to be that one, that different person?
Because its not the norm. Because we care so much about what others think, whether we realize it or not. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a product of the system. In what situation would we ever want to be the odd one out? None, because then we must assume responsibility for our actions, we must stand confident in our actions, we must face the crowd of the others, whether it’s raising our hand in class, or holding a protest. It’s all the same idea. It’s all about the collective unconscious.
There comes a point in life where you realize, or at least I realized, that I did not truly know who I was, because I had always acted to please others as a way to feel proud of myself. Does that make me weak? No. It makes me seem ‘not confident’. But maybe our self confidence can vary in different areas of who we are, for example: attractiveness, appearance, value, worthiness, as a friend, and ability.
Maybe those who fear judgement or who worry about what others think are those who need more self confidence in those areas. To me, that means accepting who you are in that sense - whatever sense it may be - and prioritizing that over how others perceive you. It is being confident in yourself to the extent that you are satisfied with how others would perceive you.
I’m not saying we do everything for others. We don’t, at least I hope not. It’s important to adopt these values for our sanity, and quite frankly, because its what makes us - us.
Tips to put yourself out there:
-Realize your beliefs are as valuable and equal as the person sitting next to you
-Say Hi to a random person every morning
-Always reverse the situation: You feel weird saying Hi to a stranger, but if someone said Hi to you, would you think it was weird? You might actually appreciate it. Be that for others.
-JUST DO IT :D Step out of your comfort zone.
It’s time to start embracing who we are, what our values are, and learn to have confidence in them. Just because not everyone else is wearing that outfit, voicing your opinion, writing about that topic - doesn’t mean its wrong. Someone has to start it, right? So let’s allow ourselves to entertain that possibility that we can be the one.
