Since I started school, I’ve always been the one to keep the peace and stay friends with as many people as I could. If I got into an argument with someone, I immediately tried to rectify the situation, which in kindergarten was sharing my crayons with them or giving them some of my Cheetos at snack time. Crisis averted. Throughout middle school, I tried to be the mediator between friends when there was an argument. If I was the one arguing, I would most likely be the first to give in and apologize for whatever we were fighting about. High school was the same way, except the arguments were a little more serious than who deserved to be King and Queen of the Valentine’s Day Dance.
That being said, I carried these traits with me into my relationships. Everyone always talked about how they couldn’t be friends with their exes, but I wasn’t convinced that this was true. If I could do it with my friends, why not try with my exes? I soon realized that there were a lot of factors that went into retaining your ex as a friend; factors that worked against your cause.
Now, you could probably stay friends with that person you dated for a couple months in high school or that person you were "seeing" for like three weeks, but although at the time you thought it was serious, it really wasn’t. That doesn’t mean this person didn’t mean anything to you, it just wasn’t a serious relationship, and that’s okay. I love being friends with those guys.
However, your more serious relationships are where it gets tricky. Falling in love with your best friend is both wonderful and tragic. On one hand, you’re in love with your best friend; you know each other’s secrets and habits, you always have fun together no matter what you’re doing, you know, the stuff that makes your relationship more hunky dory than a random hookup. That being said, breaking up with them is harder, because you are literally removing them from your life. You’re losing your best friend no matter how you slice it.
I learned that staying friends with your best friend/ex is nearly impossible and socially frowned upon, and probably with good reason. For one thing, it’s hard to look at that person differently and ignore that you loved each other and shared some special intimate moments, to say the least. It’s hard to look at someone with different eyes once you’ve loved them, and even if you can (I can), it doesn’t mean that your ex can. This doesn’t make them incompetent or unable to cooperate, this makes them human. This also can make them crazy. Batsh*t crazy. Like block-you-on-every-form-of-social-media crazy.
This special kind of ex exists in all corners of the world. Example: you want to talk about life and catch up, but then somehow they turn it around into a sappy sob story about how they want you back. Congratulations, you’ve just walked yourself into a three-hour-long phone conversation that you can’t escape. While said ex is going off on some crazy, psychotic tangent about how “you never cared”, you’re sitting there thinking to yourself: “Why can’t we be friends? Also I just want to go to sleep. Please let me go.”
There’s also the factor of your current boo-thang realizes that you’re still trying to communicate with said ex. Boy or girl, they are still going to go apesh*t. Even though you calmly explain to them that you’re just trying to be civil, they will literally accuse you of cheating immediately. Bruh, I AM JUST TRYING TO BE NICE. Unless of course you are trying to get back with them, then this statement doesn’t apply to you and you should leave.
Point blank: you just can’t be friends with your ex. There’s always an outside source, like a giant force field of “HONEY NO” that’s preventing you from retaining that friendship, but maybe that’s a good thing. For those of you that have managed to stay friends with your ex, good for you, you have done the impossible. Whether it was a nasty break up or just a crazy clashing personality, your ex and their memories should probably just stay in that shoe box of stuff that you have under your bed from that time you spent together. It's for your own good.
