“Why can’t I be normal?”
More people mumble these words than you know and the answer is that brain chemicals don’t always work the way that they are supposed to. Have you ever tried to fit a square inside of a circle? That’s a silly question, I know, but it’s impossible right? That’s basically what happens in your brain when it’s trying to take in serotonin but for some reason it can’t or something is inhibiting it from creating enough to sustain normal functioning. Your brain can’t fit that square inside of that circle and that causes you to feel abnormal or depressed. That ISN’T your fault.
“Why is it that everything I have falls apart?” “Why doesn’t anybody understand?”
People with depression are really simple people other than they can’t be happy. Not simple as in simple to understand, no; depression is in no way simple. Honestly it’s too complex for the general population to comprehend in most cases; but simple in terms of the fact that they are just like you and me. Depressed individuals just want to be loved and cherished and treated with respect as any normal functioning human being does. Everything that you have falls apart because of all the negative thoughts that have clouded your vision. Life has it’s ups and downs for everyone but I understand where you are coming from. At times it does seem like everything you have going for you is falling apart, but maybe something new is going to fall into place. I know, cliché, but sometimes those are the things you have to hold onto when you are in that deep dark place of depression.
“Why can’t I just be happy for once in my life?”
Everything goes well for a while and then something happens to tear it apart. Sometimes it feels like it’s just you. That you’re the problem. It’s not anyone else. It’s all your fault. You get so upset over the stupidest little things, which are ridiculous, but you can’t control it. It just happens. You don’t want to make decisions alone for fear of messing up. You don’t want to have to do things alone. But then again you want to be alone because you’re a walking time bomb. You need to be alone. Let me tell you that being alone isn't where happiness lies... There are dark thoughts being alone and sometimes it's better to stay away from those. Happiness lies in getting the necessary help but the key here is wanting to get the help. Nothing is going to change unless you make the first move and are actually set on succeeding.
“I can’t function as a human being on my own; how am I supposed to function with someone else?”
“I can’t. I can’t do it” The words play over and over again your head.
I understand that you think you’re not meant for people. I’ve been there too. You don’t want to bring anyone else into your life and your problems. You don’t want to hurt anyone else because you know what it’s like to hurt so badly yourself. It’s not your fault. Whether it’s biological, behavioral, social, environmental, etc., there is a reason for you to feel the way that you are feeling. You have to trust that they know what they are getting themselves into and that they can handle it. Can't is a naughty word. You have to be at least willing try because saying you can't means you have admitted defeat and you might as well stop reading this article.
“I feel so out of control of myself. I can’t control much of anything.”
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Again, you’re not wrong there. Depression controls you. You don't control it. Some of dealing with depression is accepting that you are dealing with a real mental illness and radically accepting it. You have depression. You want to have normal relationships but you can’t right now. You don’t want to feel like such a burden anymore or like a mess up but you can't.
Well I have an awesome solution to this!
When it comes to a point when you’re sick of asking yourself why do I live? And you’re sick of answering yourself with “because people see so much potential in me? Because I don’t want to hurt my family and friends? Because I care unconditionally for everyone? Nothing is because of me. I don’t want to live for me,” it’s time to seek help.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents, which I don't blame you, because not all parents listen or seem to care/want to believe it's there baby, find another trusted adult. (Nothing against parents, it's hard to watch your kid suffer when all you want to do is help but you can't.)
Or go online and search for clinical psychologists in your area for counseling and a real diagnosis because maybe more than just depression is bothering you.
Therapists link below:
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
However not everything is treatable by just counseling and you may need medication to get your chemicals back in check. This can be done by your regular doctor but I'd recommend trying to get in to see a psychiatrist so that they can get you on the right medication for your mental health problem.
Psychiatrist link below:
https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
Many people dealing with depression, especially those suffering with suicidal thoughts, they don’t live for themselves; they live for others but some people don’t have much to live for. That’s why it’s so important to be KIND. I emphasize in writing after writing,
One smile,
One hello,
One hug,
Could save a life.
You can be a life saver too. :)
