My whole life, I've always put others first. My happiness was secondary to everyone else's, especially friends and family. I would complain about being a pushover, how I let people walk all over me, how I never had friends who gave me the same support that I gave them. I was selfless in just about every way possible.
My concern for other people's feelings almost bordered on obsessive; I would go out of my way to make people feel better about themselves, even if it harmed my own well-being. I never asked my friends for advice because I wanted them to feel like their problems were more important than mine. I let people use my time and energy for their own needs while ignoring my own. What I thought was kindness ended up being self-destructive behavior. I was constantly miserable and I couldn't figure out why.
It seemed simple, (and maybe a little crazy) but I realized that I needed to learn how to be selfish. Despite what your parents always told you, it's perfectly okay to be selfish. In fact, it's a pretty good thing. It takes a strong, self-assured person to put yourself first, even when it may be hard. By no means am I advocating for ignoring the needs of others and only thinking about yourself; but every once in a while, it's good- and healthy- to step away and figure out what you need.
Learning how to be selfish has changed my life for the better. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I have healthy relationships with friends and family, and I stopped feeling like I was being ignored or stepped on. I started to say how I feel and learned how to ask for help when I need it. I learned how to rely less on what others wanted and to listen to myself a little more. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't help my friends when they need it or that I'm suddenly self-absorbed. It just means that I've learned to put my own health and well-being above other's when I need to.
So, the next time your energy is at a low point and you feel like you've given just about everything you've got, try being just a little selfish. You might be surprised at how much it will change your perspective.
