It wasn’t too long ago in my life when I used to be self-conscious about my weight. I wasn’t the biggest guy, but I never had a body that had girls drooling. I never had the body that made other guys say, “damn, I want those abs.” I had the body that screamed, I enjoy triple cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes. I had this crazy idea in my head that the only way people would notice me was by having a remarkable body. Truth be told, having a remarkable personality beats out a pair of abs any day. But it took me a while to realize you have to be pleased with yourself, to then display that to the world.

Pool parties seemed like a young teens dream back in the day. You’re young, fearless, and ready to see who notices you. Unless you’re the guy who never takes his shirt off, you would just be the laughing stock. In fact, pool parties were a nightmare solely because the idea that girls seeing your body would make them call the police for disturbing the peace. Girls and guys were ruthless back then. Pool parties were indeed hell. I avoided them, based on the embarrassment I felt within myself. The beach was even worse. Going on spring break with my friends who all had the “I work out abs,” or the “I don’t work out but somehow God granted me with perfect abs,” made me feel even better. By better I mean worse.

All the women in bikinis only seem to talk to the muscular men. It’s as if it was in a movie and I was the fat guy who made people laugh. Sure enough that is what I am, and this is how the nightmare turned into a fairy tale.

I remember it like yesterday, about five years ago on spring break I met a girl who was way out of my league. Just to warn you, this isn’t some hook up story that made me realize miracles do happen. It was an epiphany (first time I ever used that word) and it shaped my view on myself. My buddies and I were at the bar, everyone with their shirts off except for me, of course. Ladies left and right trying to get free shots, or possibly beads, I don’t know.

Regardless, some random girl saw how odd I seemed with my shirt on in 95 degree weather, so she came up to me, long story short - we’re now married.

Just kidding, but we talked the whole day, randomly about life, our friends, things that made us happy. I never expected anything of this girl, just the conversations we had were great. Later that night we were both not exactly sober (sorry mom) and we went for a walk by the ocean. The moon’s reflection on the water made the whole shore light up. It couldn’t have been a better time for her to tell me to take my shirt off and go skinny dipping with her.

Skinny dipping has a different meaning when you’re in actuality, NOT SKINNY. It was more of like, Tubby dipping, which not being in the right state of mind, I said out loud to her. She cracked up, for a good 20 seconds as I stared at her thinking to myself, damn, I’m funny.

We swam, and that was it. She told me afterward that I was one of the funniest guys she had ever met, and she could tell I was really confident in myself. Clearly she was way too drunk, or I was to put on the impression that I was a macho man, but I took it to heart. We said our goodbyes and I never saw her again. From that moment, I changed from this self-conscious guy who’s afraid of what others see, to a guy that gives zero ducks of how others look at me. Granted I’ve never had a pet duck, but I still don’t get that expression. You catch my drift though.

I can’t really tell you how many times I’ve been called names, targeted for my weight, etc. etc. You have to learn to embrace it. Realize that if you’re going to be fat, know you are and be happy that you choose to be. If you want to know the secret of not having abs and being happy, it’s simple… Be confident. Dad bods, as some people like to call them are the new abs. Granted, I wish they were hip five years ago. But you shouldn’t ever be embarrassed to take your shirt off. A girl will notice more if your shirt is on rather than your shirt being off. You lose points in people’s eyes when you pretty much show them you’re ashamed to show off a little skin.

Instead of free the nipple, free the belly. You may not work out all the time, let alone at all, but you get to eat whatever you want. Let loose what you have. Enjoy the sun, take your shirt off, make people laugh, do the truffle shuffle if you want to. Just be confident in yourself. People can sense it through their nostrils of how assured you are of your image. It’s completely scientific and proven by like Bill Nye or someone.

So what if you have stretch marks? I like to say I was in a fight with a great white shark, when in reality it was a great white cake that did me in. We live in a different time now, where we are more accepting of how others look. So it is undeniably fair to say that being afraid to take your shirt of was so five years ago.

I'll be at the pool with a cheeseburger and a beer. Free the belly. Food always wins.