I love when relatives ask me how the dating life is back at college. When I say love, I mean I laugh to myself nervously and try to redirect the conversation as quickly as possible. When I say, "Oh no, I’m not dating anyone right now," they look at me as if something is wrong with me. Our definitions of dating are so different. I guess some of that is the generation gap, and their recollection of what dating in college used to be versus what it is for me now.

Dating used to be such a simple thing. You picked a girl up, maybe brought her flowers, took her to a restaurant or a movie (and paid for it), and then kissed her goodnight outside of her doorstep. You’d take her to a function or a football game, but there weren’t usually expectations of something to come later that night if you were invited.

I wonder to myself quite a bit: What made the dating concept drift away to an extent? Why don’t more guys pick a girl up and take her to dinner instead of meeting up at a bar or coming over to “watch Netflix”? Why do guys think that buying a girl a drink at the bar confirms that the girl will be going home with them that night? Why do some guys expect sex the same exact night that they meet a girl?

What on earth changed? Is it entirely the male species’ fault, or did we have something to do with it as well?

Guys have changed, but so have we as girls. Their expectations came quicker, so we adapted to their wants without really thinking about what it has done to ourselves and the image women receive.

Our tops are more low-cut. Our tops are see-through. We wear shirts that show off way too much of the lace on our bras. We don’t wear tank-tops or bandeaus underneath when we definitely need something there.

Our bathing suits have gotten more and more revealing to the point where an appropriate bathing suit bottom is the same cut as a thong.

We don’t bother wearing cover-ups to the beach anymore. We don’t bother covering anything up.

Our shorts are shorter. They’ve got more holes than actual material to them. Our butts hang out of the bottom and we’re happy (instead of embarrassed) when that happens. We want the parts that should be left to the imagination to be perfectly visible, on display for everyone.

We show off our bodies like it’s a competition, and let’s be real, boys play off to that.

I’m not saying we should all cover up our bodies because we are shaming and degrading ourselves by wearing whatever we want. I’m definitely not saying we need to conform to what society expects women to be: conservative, submissive individuals that wear what men like and spend their days being quiet, appropriate, and stuck drinking tea in the home baking meatloaf. I’m saying maybe we need to think about our actions and our appearances and see if we give off a certain vibe that makes it seem as if we don’t have respect for ourselves or our bodies. I’m saying we should remember as unique and independent women that there are a lot of amazing things that we contribute to society: not just our bodies. We are all beautiful individuals. We need to embrace our bodies, our style, and our personalities.

That’s what we really need to show off: our personalities and our style whatever it may be. We need to dress for ourselves. We need to do things for ourselves. There’s a quote that I’ve always loved that says, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I think that really speaks to girls in the sense that we take what we can get these days, even if that means compromising our morals and values, impacting how we dress and how we act in order to get attention from guys. Stay true to yourself, but don’t forget the self-respect part of it too. Nobody wants to settle for a guy treating you poorly; like you don’t exist unless you’re in his bed. We need to stick up for what we want and DESERVE in this age. If a guy only wants you at certain times, he doesn’t deserve you any of the time. Don’t let him think he can take the easy way out. Show off the things that really matter and define you, not just your skin.