I liked being soft. I liked being the girl who cared too much about everyone, softly suggesting her opinions in ways that were sure not to harm a soul. I crept around, not wake anyone who chose to sleep in my path. I never raised my voice at someone who always raised their voice at me. This was easy. I was this girl for a long time.

I conformed to whoever was around me, and said sorry a hell of a lot more than I say it now. I enjoyed being loved by all. “That one girl, she’s so sweet.” I didn’t demand for my name to be known or my spot to be saved, because if you wanted to replace me, I would accept that I was replaceable and quietly try to fill the hole that was left.

This worked. Most girls are like this now a days, and there is harm in that if they choose to think they shouldn’t step on the toes of the people who hurt them. I am like this most days, but sometimes, I want to choose differently.

Sometimes I choose to be someone else, and these days, I could be anything. I could step on whoever’s toes I wanted, and on these days I would wear boots. There is no law that tells you who to be or how to be, that is what I have learned. And you can change, thankfully, because if I was the person now that I was in high school, my life would be miserable.

There is no point in worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about, and the people who make you worry, the ones who make you second guess whatever it is that you believe. You can squash them as easily as they squashed your sense of comfort when they made you question yourself or your worth. You need love, take it in, lose it, and whatever else there is you can do with love. But you also need to learn that not all “love” is love, and that may be your hardest lesson.

In these moments, learning these lessons, you change. You learn what you like and who you like and who you want to be - when you find that, you run with it. Suddenly you’re unrecognizable, but in the way that you are everything you could ever dream of becoming.

It's okay to be a perfect balance, to learn when to be soft and when to get things done, and sometimes it's okay to be only one of these things. You can kiss feet but some days you need to kick ass, and you can equally do both or do one a lot more than the other. And you don’t have to care what the world has to say about that.

Sometimes I wanted to destroy things. I grew up in a world where there are politics in preschool. You didn’t hit back you told the teacher, and you were told to “act like a lady” but he was “just a little boy.” I wanted to fight, to hit back. I wanted to be the one the teacher always called home about, but I was a “good girl” with a soft voice and white shoes that couldn’t trample my enemies.

I outgrew this and learned to balance. I learned to step on the people who purposefully block your path. I learned that people could not stifle me. I could scream when I wanted to. This is my reign, everyday of my life.