I have always been a push-over. A real bend-over-backwards people-pleaser. I care so much about what people think about me and constantly worry over the question “do they like me?” As a young girl I never realized the dangerous position this mentality put me in and how I was, in fact, an easy target for manipulation. I was basically opening the doors for any and every person to come and speak into my life; and because of my personality I always chose to believe what was said.

I have realized, and want to share with you, the importance of being intentional and extremely careful of who we allow to speak into our lives. This revelation came to me literally about five minutes ago when I was reading in the book of Acts in my Bible. I began hastily reading through chapter four, when I stumbled upon the story of John and Peter being taken in front of the Sanhedrin (basically the Jewish court) because they healed a lame man of over forty years old, so that he could now stand, walk and jump around as if he had been able to do so his entire life. The Sanhedrin did not like that John and Peter were teaching about Jesus through healing and so they commanded that Peter and John were not allowed to speak or teach in the name of Jesus. Peter and John's response is what floored me: “Which is right in Gods’ eyes: to listen to you, or to Him? You be the judges!” When I read this I not only began thinking about how I should be listening to the voice of God in my life rather than the voice of people around me, but I also was slapped into the reality of all of the voices I have allowed to speak into my life that I know are not things that God would say about me or to me.

I grew up constantly believing that my feelings were inadequate because when I tried to speak about them I was automatically shut down, put down and told vicious remarks of how selfish I am. I learned the art of bottling up my feelings inside and having no voice or say-so in my life because to act for myself would mean that I was a terrible person. I allowed important people in my life to tear me down, and I believed every single word of what they said for a long time. I focused on everyone else, especially the people hurting me the most, and I would do anything to make sure they were not being hurt even if it meant I was hurting the entire time.

I’m not writing this simply to get it out, although it feels pretty nice to do so, but I am writing this to give a testimony of how much power we allow others to have over our lives and that we need to be conscious of who we let in. I was buying into lies about myself; I wasn’t listening to the voice of truth. Who we surround ourselves with and what we actually listen to from people affects our entire mentality and can control us if we allow it to. After years of having no voice, I am finally learning to have one; although the process is bumpy and at times feels incredibly slow. But the first step into healing from your loss of voice is often the hardest: distancing yourself from the person/ people that have prohibited you from self-expression. It does not mean that they need to be cut out of your life entirely (although in some cases that may be very necessary), but learn to be okay with saying good-bye for a little while. And then begins the journey of healing, of allowing yourself to feel certain ways and to openly express how you feel. This is a time of growth, being reshaped and gaining a freedom you have never experienced before. You were given a voice, and it is meant to be heard.