ISFJ personality types, also called Defenders, are known for our sensitive, analytical, and reserved traits. As a Turbulent Defender, I can validate that we are a large, yet hidden, group of meticulous perfectionists. We are hardly comfortable in the spotlight and tend to gravitate towards the edge of the room in a social setting, but despite this introverted trait, we are naturally social. Our catch is that we save memories more so to remember people and create strong emotional connections rather than bouncing around meeting as many people as possible. We thrive on connecting with the few rather than meeting the many.
Our personality type comes with faults, as anyone's would. Defender's unbearable shyness results in the inability to let walls down. We put up a shield to hold back the strong, overpowering feelings that lie beneath. As our relationships progress, we continue to struggle with these barriers, and as difficult as it may sound, there's probably nothing you can do about it. We let our walls down as we see fit. If they aren't budging, that is us defending our emotional sanity. Let it happen.
We take pride in making others happy, despite where we are personally. We devote more energy into others and in return, we save very little, if any, for ourselves. We want to keep our significant other happy and emotionally stable, regardless of how we are impacted. Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule? Well, we tend to love others more than ourselves. This stems from our overbearing urge to feel that causes our inability to think. Welcome to the life of a Defender.
Repressing emotions is a dangerous game that we play all too often. This need to keep others happy causes bottled up feelings and strong emotions to boil deep beneath the surface of our shields and barriers. If pushed far enough, those emotions come out full force with no warning. Now keep in mind, these outbursts are rarely a personal attack. They are the result of our inability to express emotions. It happens. We foster the need to be appreciated and wanted; it keeps us stable and emotionally sound. We try to give so much but expect so little in return that it becomes all we look for in order to feel accepted.
I bet you're wondering how to approach such a complex personality type? I would, too.
1. Treat us gently.
Despite our strong exterior, we have tender hearts. Most of us have the best poker faces you could ever imagine just so we can hide our feelings. So, you may never realize how deeply we take harsh criticism and painful actions. We all react the same, but we each handle it differently.
2. Appeal to our romantic side.
We love old-fashioned dates. We love cliches and being shown off. We just want to be cherished.
3. Please don't rush us.
Keep in mind that we keep our walls up for a reason. Rushing to break them down will only make them harder to fall.
4. Show us that you care.
Give us concrete evidence that we mean something to you. We want to be something good in your life. We are wired to keep others happy, so if we feel as though you aren't happy with us then that makes us question whether or not we did something wrong or if we are even relevant in your life.
5. Check up on us.
Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. We can never tell when we've overextended our ability to care. When this happens, we neglect ourselves for the betterment of others. The best part is that we never show if we're hurt; we're good at bottling up emotions. Just make sure that we're okay every once in a while. The smallest actions can have the largest impacts on us.
6. Let us be.
I know this contradicts with #5, but keep in mind - we are introverts above all else. We may crave a stable source in our life, but don't push us to socialize more than we are able to. We have comfort zones for a reason; we know what steps we can take, let us tread gently. As our walls fall, we will be more open to others. We will grow. Until then, let us be.
7. Our surroundings have more of an effect than some realize.
We need someone strong to be a stable, healthy aspect in our chaotic, emotional lives. Too much conflict is draining and might cause our barriers to thicken.
8. Take the initiative for us.
Like I've said, we are introverts. We don't like to draw too much attention, so odds are we will not make the initial move or push too hard. However, once we are comfortable, we can only hope that the love and care we constantly give is reciprocated.
9. We are the best listeners.
We want others to be happy. Whether it's late night advice or just venting after class, we will be there.
10. We are rare.
INFJ is the rarest personality type. We are self-aware, strong-willed, emotional, and complex. It's confusing as hell, but given time we can put forth the strongest love imaginable.
